Saturday, August 24, 2013

We'll get there

Written on 7-11-13

Some days being a stay at home mom of two kicks my butt. I am currently typing this while Michael is in the Moby. I had to give Ellie a bath, put lotion on her, put on jammies, brush her hair and teeth, and hoist her up and over her crib all while carrying all 13ish pounds of Michael in the wrap.
My back is going to hate me tomorrow.
 Michael is 8 weeks old and Ellie is 2.5 and we still haven't quite found our groove yet. Michael likes loves to be held, isn't fond of his swing or bouncer, and needs to be held, swayed, and bounced to sleep. And if you put him down you have maybe a half hour before he wakes up. But at night time he's out and sleeps like a log when I put him down.
 Thankfully Ellie does pretty well playing by herself most of the time. But I feel like I am always telling her "Hold on Ellie" "Just a minute Ellie" "After I feed Michael" and it makes me feel horrible. Sometimes I can have Michael in the Moby while I color or play stickers with her and today we went for a walk outside and I was able to spend some quality time talking with her but I still miss the one-on-one time with my first baby. Luckily, Mike works less hours in the summer so she has a playmate when he gets home from work.
I just feel like I am being pulled in 100 different directions and I wish there were 2 no 3 no 4 of me to get everything done that I need to and be able to give everyone 100% of my time and attention. I really had to adjust my expectations for this summer and what being a mom of two would be like. Ellie seriously slept for the first 6 weeks of her life. No joke, she woke up to eat and was right back asleep until it was time to eat again. So I expected that I would be able to put Michael in the swing or bouncer and life would carry on as normal. Until he got a little bigger and started being mobile. Not the case; he's a little needier than I expected.

I had a lot of expectations about what it would be like to have a baby when Ellie was born. They were all shattered. There were months filled with incessant screaming. Nothing went the way I had imagined in my head. Nothing. But I readjusted my expectations and we made it. Yet that didn't stop me from dreaming and making expectations about what this summer would be like. Expectations that I've not let go. We really haven't done much of anything that I imagined we would do.

And that's ok.

 I think this time I was a little better prepared for what having a newborn is like; but you forget. It's been 2.5 years since I had a teeny baby who's needs are so constant and need to be met immediately. And this time not only do I have this needy little creature, but another bigger needy creature running around demanding my constant attention.

Being a mom is hard work. Being a mom of 2 littles is hard work. I'm sure being a mom of 3 is harder work! But time goes so fast and is so precious. I just imagine that it will be next July before we know it and I will have a 3.5 year old and  a 1 year old. So today-today I am going to snuggle this baby and  cherish this toddler and cut myself some freaking slack. I'm not super-mom, I'm still struggling to figure out our routine, I don't have time to be a perfect "Pinterest Mom", and some days I'm lucky to get the laundry finished.

But we'll get there.


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