Wordless Wednesdays

Courtesy of Pinterest

(I am not linking each individual picture because half of them don't have an original link)

It's funny because it's true. 

It got me. 

Unfortunately true. One of the perks of taking after my dad and not my mom. 

I can still remember the sting

I will ALWAYS have leftovers. Those suckers multiply lie rabbits in my pot

BEST.EPISODE.EVER.

Happy Hump Day!

Let's Talk About...

...why my daughter doesn't wear a bikini...

When I was younger I wasn't allowed to wear a two piece-at my moms. 

{Dads house was another story.}

All my mom ever bought were one-pieces and it was always so annoying. (insert bratty teenage whine) I never understood why I couldn't just wear what so-and-so was wearing. Everyone else's mom let them wear a bikini. 

I remember going over to my friends house and borrowing her bathing suit when we would go swimming. 

Or having her bring me a suit when we went to a pool party.

Naughty-Naughty.

I never really understood the reasoning behind being modest and respecting my body. 

I just knew that my friends who wore the short skirts and low tops were getting all the attention. 

I honestly remember changing my outfit at the bus stop once my mom left for work into a friends skirt, knee high boots, and tank top. And I felt so "sexy". (mind you I was in 8th grade and it was completely inapprop)

The pressures that I faced regarding modesty are still so fresh in my mind. 

Sometimes I still feel them. 

I think my attitude on modesty really changed when I got married.

 Before that I wanted to attract attention, even if it didn't mean the right kind of attention. It's natural to want to feel attractive and draw attention to yourself. 

One night Mike and I went out to to dinner and I was wearing a dress that I thought I felt comfortable in, but the second we got on the highway I realized how low cut it really was. I was pulling at the neckline the entire night. After we got married I became oh-so sensitive to what other women were wearing. Even what some of my friends would wear (or talk about) I found completely inappropriate. 

I think a lot  of girls don't realize that men are wired completely different than we are. They are very visual.
You might just want to get all dressed up and "show a little skin" but you could inadvertently be sending someone elses husband down a slippery slope.
And it really ticks me off when another woman is dress scandalously and could potentially be causing my husband to sin. We should be keeping our bodies for our spouses and not displaying all our goods for everyone to see.

I'm not saying that women should have to only wear long sleeves and floor length skirts. 
You can be stylish and modest.


Ultimately men are responsible for their thoughts and actions, but why try to tempt them? Why try to get another woman's husband to give you a second look?
1 Corinthians 8:13 "So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live--for I don't want to cause another believer to stumble."
I think this is an amazing verse because "eating meat" can be substituted with anything. 
If what I wear causes another believer to sin, I will never dress like that again as long as I live--for I don't want to cause another believer to stumble.
We shouldn't want to potentially or deliberately cause someone else to sin. 
In my opinion, being called beautiful is a much better compliment than being called "hot". 

via

This morning at church I was amazed at the way the teenagers were dressing, My husband even commented on how ridiculous it was. I would never let my child out of the house looking like that. If I can see your butt cheeks-your shorts are too short. Our pastor once gave a sermon on modesty because he said it was very hard to be standing up at the pulpit preaching while there were girls in the pews with super short skirts and low cut shirts. You don't realize what everyone can see when they are standing above you looking into the crowd.

I don't know if these girls realize what kind of attention they are attracting when they choose to dress like that.You want a man who is going to respect you and cherish you. Not just lust after your body.

via

This is the reason that I will not  be buying my daughter a bikini. She either has a one-piece on or a tankini. (which I do have to say are much easier for diaper changes and trying to get a slippery, wet, thrashing toddler out of.) And I think these are just as cute as any bikini!

I'm not saying that it's not cute to see chubby little legs and cute little bellies in these adorable bathing suits. But if I let her think that it's cute now, what will she say when she started developing and I tell her she can't wear that anymore? If it was ok when she was little why is it not ok now?

I do not wear a bikini (not just because I have some extra lbs to lose) but because I can't say one thing and do another. There are way too many perverts in the world who would like to see little girls in their underwear. And there are some super cute and stylish one-pieces out there. 

Not all of them are grandma-esque.

via

Or head-to-toe

via

I wouldn't walk around in front of another man in my underwear, so why should it be ok to wear the exact same thing when I am going swimming??

{I understand that everyone has different views and convictions about things. This is one of my convictions. I am not saying that everyone must feel the same way that I do. Just something to think about}

Happy Monday!

Just Some Fluff

I just haven't been able to blog lately.

I am sure my absence has been felt by all my fans.

(insert sarcasm)

It just feels like everything I could possibly say is so 

insignificant

I have posts written in my head that I just can't seem to type out. 

It's been a really rough few weeks. 

With events that just rock you to the core.

So instead of trying to put my thoughts in order here is some fluff.

I was making a .F.R.E.E. photobook on shutterflylast week 

(which was really annoying trying to use a keyboard where half the keys are super hard to press due to a Dr. Pepper landslide...thanks Dear) 

and I went through all the old pictures of Ellie. 

I can't believe how much she has grown.

And changed. 

Holy Moses my baby is so big,

This girl has a strong will

...I just can't figure out where she gets it from...

Surely not her mother. 

We went swimming in our friends pool last week and she lost her mind.

She didn't want to be held in the water. 

She didn't want to float in her floatie.

She wanted O!U!T!

The only way to keep her still was to feed her pop-ice. 

She likes to do everything herself. So that pretty much nixes any future trips to the pool.

She seems to like the splash park though. I'm sure it's because she can "do it herself."

We're heading off on vacation in a few weeks and it will be fun to see what it's like now that she is a year older. 

At the splash pad last year. 

Oh and...

We have our Independence Day tutu sets for sale over at our Etsy shop  

Who doesn't love a little red, white, and blue??

What's Been Goin On

Monday I went over to my SILs house to take some pictures of little Miss E. I guess these would technically be her 18 month pics. 

EIGHTEEN MONTHS.

1.5 YEARS.

WHAT?!?

I still can't believe how this happened but she cracks me up every day. I love her little personality.

And even her strong will!

She took a little tumble off the stairs and hit her head and was telling me all about it. 

It's definitely very interesting trying to get an 18 month old to sit where you want her to sit and do what you want her to do during pictures-or any time for that matter. Or maybe that's just my 18 month old!!

I was FINALLY able to get all the crap off my stove this week. I had tried actual oven cleaner when we first moved in, but that didn't even work so I figured it was caked on forever from the A-holes that lived here before us!

Beware, it was terrible before. But don't judge me we just moved in. 3 years ago. 

I feel like we got a new stove. I am so proud of myself. I keep asking Mike "Did you see my stove, look what I did" He asked me if I wanted a cookie and I told him yes, I actually do!!

Elli has become o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d. with this doll. She carries her everywhere, knows to go get her when you say "where's your doll". She carries her around and pats her back, she rocks her, she feeds her, she rocks her in the swing, and she buckles her into the car seat. She is such a little mama, It melts my heart!!

I am planning a bachelorette party for my friend this weekend, any one have any fun ideas? Dinner and the bar(s) have already been picked out, but I just want to make sure this is a night she'll never forget...or never remember!!

Catch-Up

I haven't actually sat down to write a post in a while. 

I have all these posts written in my head but never have time to actually type them out. 

Having a house full of kids is certainly keeping me busy. 

I'm babysitting my friends kids a few days a week for a couple weeks so that brings the total child count in our house up to 6. 6 under 5. 

PHEW. Needless to say I've been going to bed pretty early this week. 

The weather has been pretty iffy lately but we have managed to go to the park last week and we went to The Rally in Battle Alley with our church last Sunday. The boys rode their bikes to church and it was pretty chaotic trying to get the rest of us out of the house on time. I was praying the whole way to church I wouldn't get a speeding ticket. 

I can't believe how big Ellie is getting. She is so talkative and has added quite a few words into her vocabulary. 

No no no no, No don't, mine, why, cup, up, nose, buh bye, Hi, mama/mom, dada, kitty, nuh-night...

She cracks me up, She loves playing with her cousins. I think when they move out she is going to be so bored with it just being her and I. 

Which brings me to the fever that I caught about a month ago.

The B-fever. 

No-Not Bieber Fever.

It's worse.

Baby Fever

...

It seems everywhere I go someone is either pregnant or has a teeny tiny newborn. Sometimes I think I am totally ready for another baby, and then sometimes I break into a cold sweat just thinking about it. 

There is a lot to consider about having another baby. 

But I guess God knows when the time is right and I just have to keep praying for His perfect timing. 

My friend Melissa just had her sweet little boy and I can't wait until Friday when I can go over and bring her dinner and snuggle her little baby. Maybe that will hold me over-for now!

I'm hoping to start keeping up with my blog more, I really like being able to look back at everything we've done and being able to see how much Ellie has grown. I can't believe it's been a year since my first post. I thought Ellie was never going to go to sleep. 

Now I truly miss those nights of snuggling and rocking her to sleep.

It's really made me realize how fast time goes. 

Oh to go back and hold my sweet newborn.

A Ramble Of Sorts

I started babysitting a friend's little boy last week.

It's only for a few weeks to help them out.

It's Wednesday and Thursday 6:30-6:00 and Friday 8:30-1:00.

He is 9 days younger than Ellie and it is so fun to watch them play together.

It really reassures me that when we have another baby I will be able to handle it.

Granted it will be totally different because it will be a toddler and a baby not two toddlers.

It's much more like having twins when he is here since they're so close in age.

I remember when I was in middle school and high school I loved babysitting and being in the nursery at church.

Now; not so much.

I never really realized how much babies cry. And whine. And have snotty little noses.

And it wasn't until I had my own that I realized all this.

(The little boy I'm babysitting is an exception. He rarely cries and is such a sweet little boy)

And my baby isn't any better than the rest of em!

When I go somewhere and drop Ellie off in the daycare she gets hysterical.

I always feel so bad for the workers, but I just give her a smooch put her down and say

"She'll be fine."

Because she will.

And she usually is.

That's my new motto.

 Once she realizes that there are a tons of toys and plenty of other little people to play with she is just fine.

When I come to pick her up it warms my heart watching her happily play...until she sees me and then goes into hysterics all over again.

I don't understand why they cry when they see you, shouldn't they be happy and come running with arms open??

Silly babies. 

 But you know what drives me crazy??

When parents take their kids to the nursery when their kids are sick.

If your kid has snot pouring down his face prolly an indication that he has a virus or something.

I'm not talking about working mothers who don't have a choice

I'm talking about church or the gym.

You don't have to go the gym when your kid is sick.

That is a choice, not a necessity.

You can take a week or and make sure your child feels better instead of infecting everyone else around them. And I'm sure that the workers appreciate when you are considerate and keep your snot nose kid home. I just had to stay quarantined for 2 whole weeks while Ellie kicked this nasty cold.

Did I want to go to the gym

yes

Did I want to go walk the mall and get out of the house

yes

But it was in the best interest of my child to keep her inside where it is warm and let her rest and recuperate.

Once she was feeling better we finally took her Christmas pictures.

February 1st-so we were a little late.

Don't judge me.

By the end she was pretty unamused

11 Things

Here's a fun post that Ashley The Mommyhood Adventure tagged me in.

 

The Rules

1. You must post the rules (and link up who tagged you).
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag however many people you want
5. Let them know you've tagged them!

11 Facts about me
1. I have been married for {almost} 4 years. 2/2 baby!!!
2. I have gone to the same church my entire life
3. I played soccer for 15 years, and even played one season in college
4. I spent 6 months living with my SIL in NC while my brother was in Iraq
5. I am TERRIFIED of the ocean and everything that lives in it
6. I could eat Panera every.single.day
7. I love to be crafty and make things for other people
8. I have never ordered a burger/steak at a restaurant
9. I have an associates degree in Liberal Arts
10. If I could do anything I would be an adolescent counselor
11. I would love to have a HUGE family...just have to get hubs on board :)

11 Questions from Ashley
1. If you could vacation anywhere in the world and money was not a concern, where would you go? I would love to go to on a Mediterranean cruise. That way I could visit multiple places!

2. Who's your best friend? Why? My best friend is Andrea, I have known her for 20 years. We met in Kindergarten and have been through SO much together. We have had a rough patch here or there but she has always been there for me whenever I need her. Day or night. She is my soul sister. I love her to death!

3. Facebook addict or Twitter addict? Facebook...to be honest I still don't understand Twitter.
4. Where is your favorite place to shop? If I am going to be honest it is Babies R Us, otherwise I would have to say Kohls.
5. What is your go-to clothing item? Honestly...a sweatshirt. Don't judge me.
6. If you had to read one author for the rest of your life, whose books would you want to read? Karen Kingsbury. Her series about the Baxter Family is amazing. All of her books are amazing. Go to the library and check her out. GO.
7. If you only had one day left to live, what would you do and who would spend with? That's a tough one. I would spend it with my husband, daughter, sibs, and mom and spend the whole time making sure they know how much I love them. I would tell my daughter how much she means to me and..ok I'm almost crying I can't think about this anymore...
8. Tell us the top 3 items on your DVR list? Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, and Law and Order SVU. I miss Stabler.
9. Tell us the color of the dress you wore to your senior prom? Black..and why yes, my hubs was my prom date!

10. What is your favorite childhood memory? Going to Gull Lake every year with my whole entire family. Spending a week together swimming, playing sports, going to youth group, and spending time in The Word. It was so much fun. I am so thankful for the relationships that I have with my cousins and it is all because we made the effort to get together every year and invest in each other.
11. Mountains or the beach?


1. What is one household chore that you wish you never had to do?
2. When you do laundry do you put it away or does it hang out in baskets for a week day?
3. What is your dream job?
4. If you could do anything, what would you do to change the World?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. If you could re-do one moment in your life what would it be and why?
7. What is your favorite restaurant, and what is your favorite thing on the menu?
8. Where is your favorite vacation spot and why?
9. Who has been most inspirational in your life and why?
10. What song most describes you?
11. If you could go back and talk to your 16-year old self what would you say??

Now it's your turn! I choose you lovelies {and anyone else who wants to participate}

Andrea at Let it Be
Melissa at Carpenters Three
Tami at Little Moments Like This
Megan at Mackey Madness
Thats a tough one, if it is a beach that is NOT on the ocean then I would have to say the beach. However, I think it would be so fun to go hiking in the mountains, something I think I need to add to my bucket list!!

11 Questions for YOU!

 

Random Info

I saw this this on  Ashley's blog and thought it was a cute way to get to know someone. So here is some random info about me!

A: Age: 23

B: Bed size: Queen

C: Chore you dislike: Hmmm….Putting away folded clothes, and unloading the dishwasher, and…

D: Dogs: No, Definitely No! No.No.No.No.NO!!!

E: Essential start of my day: Putting in my contacts, I can’t stand to wear my glasses for longer than I have to.

F: Favorite color: Brown, ok so I guess that is a boring color so….Purple?

G: Gold or Silver: Silver

H: Height: 5'6"

I: Instruments that you can play: Hmmm…the recorder. I can play a mean “Hot Cross Buns!”

J: Job title: Vice President of the H household

K: Kids: For now our little girl Eleanor Ruth. Someday, hopefully 4 or more

L: Live: Michigan

M: Mom's name: Ruth Ann

N: Nicknames: Shelle, Belle

O: Overnight Hospital Stays: One from high BP while pregnant and then 2 nights for delivery. I did stay overnight on a gurney in the hallway in the ER but I was never technically admitted. One of the longest nights of my life! 

P: Pet Peeve: Let me get out my list…haha. I would have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is when my hubby shaves and doesn’t fully clean the sink.  KILLS me!

Q: Quote from a movie: Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, but its not funny. All the problems are the same, but…you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense. –Knocked up

R: Righty of Lefty: Righty, Yeah Baby!

S: Siblings: 2 older brothers (twins)
T: Time you wake up: Whenever E decides it’s time to start that day. Normally around 7:30 but sometimes 5:30-I hate those mornings and count down till nap time!

U: Underwear – Of course J…I mean typically boy shorts from VS

V: Vegetables you dislike: I love vegetables and I really don’t think there are any that I dislike.

W: What makes you run late: I used to never be late, it actually used to be one of my biggest pet peeves when people were late (ask my husband) but now I've learned that I need to cute people some slack. Because now that we have a baby I swear I am never on time for anything! We are totally on a different schedule. So I guess I would say it’s a combination of E and my poor time management skills now that I have another human to get ready.

X: X-Rays: Of gosh a ton. Feet, Hips. Hand (a few times). I guess that’s what happens when you play soccer!

Y: Yummy food you make: Well I guess desserts…specifically cake. That’s what everyone asks me to bring to get togethers.

Z: Zoo favorite animal: I love the elephants…Oh wait, our zoo got rid of those…so I guess the monkeys

Things I've learned

In my 6 months of being a mom I have obviously become an expert. <insert sarcasm here> I am still trying to figure everything out, and I'm sure by the time I get it all "figured out" I will have another baby that is completely different!

I am SO not an expert but there are some things that I have learned in the past 6 months, and I figured I should write them down because I want to make sure I don't forget them next time around. 

-Be prepared for birth; I know you can never really be totally prepared, but you should have an idea of what kind of birth you want. Be firm in your decisions and make sure that everyone who is there is aware of what you want and supportive of you. Be informed.

-If you plan on breastfeeding (kudos) have the name/number of a local LC and know who the LLL leader is for your city. You want to know who to call the minute  you run into any issues. Don't wait until bad habits are formed.

This book...

is amazing. I wish I had read it before I had E, not 6 months later. Better late than never right? Give yourself small goals, breastfeed for 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, etc. And know that every day you are going what is best for your child, and if tomorrow you stop nursing it's ok. Your baby isn't going to die or get the measles just because you stop breastfeeding. If you choose to formula feed that is ok too. Don't feel like you are a bad mom, you are doing what is best for you and your baby. Each situation is unique.

-Don't feel like you have to do it all. Give yourself room to grow, room for things to change. Accept help, if someone comes over and asks what they can do for you say "the dishes/laundry/etc, thank you". Accept when people offer to bring you food, stock your freezer.

-Take plenty of time to sit and soak in that new baby smell. Lock the doors and spend quality time just you, your spouse, and your new little miracle. Bond as a family, don't feel like you have to see everyone; everyday. Don't be afraid to say "No."

-Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong or off with your baby don't accept when the Dr or anyone else tells you "that's normal". You know your baby and you know what is normal for your baby.

-Your chiropractor will probably give you better and more holistic advice than your pediatrician. Sometimes adding a simple pro biotic to your baby's bottle will make the biggest difference.

-Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable with. Starting solids early, crying it out, leaving them with a sitter if you're not ready...etc. Trust yourself and the decisions that you make.

-Ask for help if you need it. Caring for another life is hard work, and can be really stressful at times. Get out of the house or go for a walk. Or have someone come over and watch the baby so you can take a nap, take a nap, run some errands, read a chapter in a book etc. (If you know someone that has a little one offer to come play with the baby so they can relax, sometimes even just having someone else there can lessen the stress or the feeling that you're all alone.) 

-Make friends with other moms in your area, go to LLL meetings, mom groups etc. Anything where you can talk about your new life and get ideas/advice/support/or just vent. 

-If you plan on using a sling, put them in it when they are newborn for a little bit at a time. Get them used to it, because when you try to put a 3 or 4 month old in a sling for the first time they are not amused.

-While the baby is teeny and sleeps all the time GO OUT! LEAVE THE HOUSE. WALK THE MALL. GO TO DINNER. Enjoy the time when you don't have to worry about the baby screaming or being wiggly the whole time you're at a restaurant.

-Remember this is your child. Politely tell others who think they know best that they had their chance to raise their children so you would appreciate it if they let you have yours.

These are just a few things that stick out to me over the past 6 months. I am still learning what is best for me, for my family, and for my baby. And I swear it changes every day! Some of this isn't right for you or your baby. Some of it I'm sure you will think is dumb, but this is some advice I wish someone told me before I had Ellie.

What do you wish someone would have told you? What have you learned since you've gone down the "Mommy Path"?

I hate Mondays

Today was one of those days.

I didn't want to get out of bed.

I slept like crap last night.

Ellie woke up at 6:30 instead of 7:30.

Mike annoyed me last night and of course I was still annoyed this morning.

Getting her to nurse is like fighting with...well a 6 month old who is afraid she might miss out on something if she sits still...

Getting her to sleep is even worse.

We actually had a good nap snuggled in our bed. After 30 min of trying to get her to CIO

We ran some errands and she was such a peach but she fell asleep for a little cat-nap in the car on the way home from the mall which totally screwed up her nap schedule.

We got home and from 3:30-5:30 was constant crying/fussing/screaming/ because she was tired and wouldn't take a nap.

Needless to say at 5:31 I popped in a bottle and she is <hopefully> down till morning.

Worst of all I started a low-carb diet and all I want is some *effing* chocolate.

I WILL be going to bed early tonight because I am definitely wearing my cranky pants and I have a feeling she will decide to get up at 6:30...or earlier...again tomorrow. I will die.

Headbands Are Horrible!

So I can't believe I forgot to mention what happened at the "fair" yesterday. Ellie was looking super adorable in a blue and white ruffled romper and a white headband with a Gerber daisy. Like so adorable I wish I took a picture, especially after this little incident so I had proof of how "horrible" I am. While we were walking back through the hospital I had a lot of people comment on how adorable the headband was and how cute Ellie looked (not bragging it's necessary for the story....even though I do this she's the cutest thing haha!). Fast forward to a little bit after we got there.. I'm standing there talking to my sister, we are clearly in conversation: facing each other, mouths moving, words coming out, and Ellie is hanging out in her stroller looking cute. This lady waltz's over and proceeds to tell me I am doing great harm to my child by putting headbands on her. That there is an overwhelming number of studies showing how harmful it is to put adorable headbands on babies. I am going to limit her growth, ruin her brain, scar her for life, I'm a horrible mom for putting them on her blah blah blah. Ok so I'm paraphrasing here because I was so caught off guard I couldn't focus. and I might be exaggerating on the last two. So as both my sister and I stand there mouths wide staring blankly at her all I can seem to say is "well they're not tight and she doesn't wear them all the time." She said "well I just thought you should know" and turned and walked away. I was flabbergasted. Did that really just happen? My sister and I just looked at each other and said "REALLY? Wow!!" Of course when we got back to my house we had hundreds of replies of what we "should have said" because that's what always happens. You come up with witty, smartass comments after the fact! Next time I will be prepared.

So to all of you "horrible", I put super stinkin adorable headbands on my child, mommas watch out. There's a lady going around dressed in a horrible smock dress that will come find you and word vomit her unsolicited opinion all over you!

So here's to you lady!

Sure looks like I'm doing great amounts of harm to this adorable little head



He Bit Me!

Today was hot. Like ohmygoshIcan'tbreathe hot. It still is hot. Our back living room isn't hooked up to our a/c and that is where we spend most of our time, so that sucks! This morning I decided that as soon as Ellie and I woke up we were going to go for a nice long walk. I figured we would beat the heat. HA! It was 80 when we left the house a little after 8:30. It still boggles my mind that I can actually function that early but I digress...The road was mostly shaded so it really wasn't too bad, and Ellie was content looking around and listening to the birds chirping. On the last little stretch before our house I saw a lady and her huge monstrous Pomeranian dog walking towards us. So I moved to the right side of the road to avoid having to talk to her, I know I know I'm bad. so her and the dog could pass. The closer I got I realized the dog wasn't on a leash. As he came running towards me she said "Oh don't worry he won't do anything." and then he bit me! Really?? So I told her he just bit me and she kept walking! She had picked him up and didn't stop. I had to turn around to shout at her that her dog needed to be on a leash and it was unacceptable for him to go around biting people. I went up their driveway and asked them if the dog was up to date on all it's shots and they said it wasn't even their dog, they were dog-sitting. It was just a little bite but it did break the skin so I called animal control to go down and make sure that the dog was up to date on all its shots. Because I do NOT want rabies and I do NOT want to give Ellie rabies. I had an appointment this morning at 11:00 that I had to reschedule for 2:30 while I was waiting for animal control. So at 2:00 while I was heading to my appointment I get on the highway, which normally has no traffic that early in the day, and come to a dead stop. We creep along and I'm thinking there's got to be a horrible accident up here. Around the bend I see no cops, no accidents, just an abandoned car that had been pulled over on the side of the road. Come on people! So I was late for my appointment. Awesome.

Moral of the story: Next time, I'm drop kicking any dogs that come running up to me off their leash trying to bite me.

On a happier note we ended the day grilling hamburgers on the back deck and I gave Ellie a bath in the new little pool her gramma got her. It was a great way to end an annoying day.

I may be biased, but I think she's so cute :)

Sometimes I lie

I don't understand why there is so much pressure for women to feel like they have to "have it all together"...maybe it's just me that feels this pressure however I digress...because I ummm…clearly don't. This feeling that I have to have it all together and be perfect is putting so much pressure on me and I AM SUFFOCATING! I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I am a liar. I know; I'm horrible. I lie to my husband (and it pisses me off that he knows that I'm lying), I lie to my family, I lie to my friends, but worst of all I lie to myself. Now before you freak out and think that I have some secret life and lie about everything let me explain. I lie about me. I slap on my happy face and tell you everything is great. I had mentioned before that I struggle with how honest and open I want to be on here. I know I have a WHOPPING 5 followers, but I also know that I have people that check-in every day that aren't on that little list. Friends, family members...Now if it were all strangers, then shoot, I will bare my soul for you, but people I know...ehhh I'd rather not. You might judge me, or you might actually get to know the real me. Who wants to admit their shortcomings? Not me. DEFINITELY not me. Help is a four letter word. It is something I DO NOT to ask for. I DO NOT need your help; I can do it on my own. I would love to be perfect. I would love to make 5 course meals every day, exercise regularly, be a skinny-mini, have a spotless house, perfect hair, be the perfect mom, and be the perfect wife. FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.EPIC FAIL. My meals mostly consist of sandwiches (or whatever heats up the fastest in the cancer box) standing at the counter while Ellie stares impatiently at me from her bumbo. At the end of the day all I want to do is absorb into the couch and do nothing, not exhaust myself on the bike or pop in a workout DVD. I am not a skinny-mini because I can't.seem.to.stop eating CRAP food. (Don't even get me started on the skeletons in that closet) My house is a mess and I can't even blame it all on the baby. I can't remember the last time I blow-dried my hair or it didn't end up in a ponytail. Ellie is 5 months old and I feel like I still have no idea what she wants when she fusses. (Don't all the books say I should know what every fuss/whine/sneeze/cough/eye booger is supposed to mean by now) And lastly I know the kind of wife that I am called to be, the kind of wife that I should be, but that doesn't stop me from being irritable/stressed/snippy.

Lord, I SO don't have it all together. But if I'm going to be honest with myself (eek) I'm sure you already know that.

I am so afraid that if I admit that I need help, or that some days I hate breastfeeding, or Ellie is making me crazy, or gasp sometimes I wish I could go to work to get a minute to myself, that means that I have failed. I should be super-mom. I shouldn't want to spend a minute away from my precious baby. I should be able to cook and clean and take care of her and my husband every day. My identity should be found in the fact that I am a mom.

When I was pregnant and blissfully unaware of the challenges a baby brings I had it all together. I knew what it was going to be like to be a mom and I was ready for all the changes it brings. HA! It's real easy to be a mommy expert when your only kid is in your belly! When I worked at the restaurant I used to always say “ugh when I have kids and we go out to eat they will never throw a fit/throw stuff on the floor/whine/run all over/yell/scream” etc. I right now, before God and all these witnesses, will EAT.MY.WORDS before she even gets to that stage. Along with all the other "My kid/baby will never..." that I so cock-ily stated before I was a mom. 

I remember when I was pregnant and people would tell me you're going to go crazy staying at home all the time, you are going to need a break, you're going to be lonely etc etc in my head I would be like yeah OK whatever. Ummm no I will not need a break, I will not want to go out one night, I will not be lonely, I will love nursing, and I will be Ellie's mom and Mike's wife and nothing more. Well 5 1/2 months later I am ready to admit.....I.....WAS.....WRONG.....Well those words tasted horrible coming up. The only reason that I have courage to admit this and tackle what is going on in my life right now is because of some blogs I have read by other moms out there who have been honest about what they've gone through. I really am not alone, I don't have to have it all together, and I don't have to be embarrassed that I'm struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions. Caring for another human is hard work. Taxing work; emotionally, physically, mentally. I love this little girl so much and I am so glad that God chose and trusts us to take care of her. I can't even begin to explain the way my heart swells when she laughs, or plays with her toys, or actually snuggles with me. Or how it breaks when she is hurting or I can't seem to figure out what she needs. But that doesn't mean I don't ever feel like I'm losing my mind. So I guess from now on I need to start being honest with myself, and everyone else. Because sometimes….I do need help.

High Expectations

I will be the first to admit that I have high expectations. Of everything apparently. Which doesn't make any sense because I have had so few things go the way I actually imagined they would. But that still doesn't deter me from doing it, and therefore I am inevitably always let down. It's my own fault really. I always say that I would rather be surprised than disappointed, but yet a little (not so secret) corner of my mind STILL expects something and 9.9 times out of 10 I am usually left in tears. I feel like my only other option is to expect nothing. All the time. Don't ever get my hopes up because, well, I will be let down.

Let me be honest here, I do know that some of these expectations are a little unrealistic. Do I really think that Mike is going to come home with 2 dozen roses and blindfold me to take me on the most amazing date ever that ends in a romantic hot air balloon ride? Not likely. I don't know where these high expectations come from. Some of it I blame on watching romantic movies, some of it I blame on the media, and some of it I just blame on my own selfishness. My life is never going to be like The Notebook, and assuming it will be is very unrealistic. It puts pressure on Mike and when I expect the unrealistic it ends up disappointing me and frustrating him. And he really is a good husband.

Expectations aren't entirely bad. We should expect to be provided for, treated with respect, loved, put first, etc. Within other relationships (family/friends etc) I should be able to expect that they are going to put effort into the relationship also. It isn't fair for one person to be constantly putting forth the effort to be in contact and always the one trying to make the plans. To me, that isn't a friendship and I am done.wasting.my.time. It takes 2 people for any relationship to work.

I am learning that I need to 1.) Be relying on God for my sense of security and strength 2.) I need to make sure my expectations (and actions) line up Biblically 3.) Let go of this selfish sense of entitlement and notion that I deserve anything at all

This world has instilled in us a sense of entitlement. We all think that we deserve everything; romance, gifts, to be waited on hand-and-foot, expensive toys, big houses, perfect children, etc etc. It is so important to remember that the only thing we deserve is to be punished for our sins. But thankfully, God took that upon Himself when He sent His only Son to die on the Cross so that we don't have to spend eternity in Hell. I am so glad that I am not getting what I deserve.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Romans 10:9-10 "If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."

**DISCLAIMER** I BY NO MEANS think that I am the perfect wife, mother, daughter(or daughter-in-law), sister(or sister-in-law), person, or friend. I fail miserably on a daily basis. I am just so tired of my heart hurting***

Weekend Wrap-Up

I'm going to start out with a few random thoughts. A. I CAN NOT wait for my cloth diaper sprayer to get here in the mail because this whole rinsing off diapers in the toilet thing is for.the.birds. B. Don't get me wrong, I love spring and warm weather and all but I do not like the creepy crawlers that come with it. Or the spiders. I just found like 5 spider bites on my back that I got while sleeping last night and needless to say I am UNamused. I think we're going to have to move because these things CREEP.ME.OUT!!!!!!!!

C. I know this makes me a horrible person and all, but I hate Sundays. I love Church and I love the Lords day, but it means tomorrow is Monday and I hate Monday's even more than I hate Sundays because it means that Mike goes to work and it starts another long week.

So this morning I let Mike sleep in and I got up with the mini. She's currently entertaining herself under her play-mat and it just so stinkin cute! Her toothless grins and spit raspberries melt my heart! Over all other than a mini breakdown...on my part not Ellie's...yesterday this has been a great weekend. Friday night I went out with my best friend Andrea for some much needed girl time. We have been best friends pretty much since kindergarten and I am so grateful for her! I can't remember the last time I hung out with her solo. Sans the man or the baby. It was so much fun and definitely something that we need to do way more often! Yesterday we just hung out around the house and relaxed. We rented The Roommate and The Mechanic and ordered some pizza. I've been eating some dairy here and there because it doesn't seem to affect Ellie anymore HALLELUJAH and it was nice to actually be able to eat the cheese on my pizza haha! The Roommate=Creeeeee-py! I don't know if I will ever look at Leighten Meester the same way! It was still a good movie and about the closest I have come to a scary movie since I got pregnant and had to quit cold turkey becuase of the crazy hormone induced dreams! But The Mechanic ummm YUM! Jason Statham is DEEEE-LICIOUS! I love all most of his movies; Crank 2 was messed up. I swear the person who came up with that movie was on LSD. However The Transporter series is amazing, that is one of my favorites.

Today's schedule starts with church, hopefully includes a nap, and ends with Mike fixing my brothers brakes. Gotta love being married to a man who can fix pretty much anything when it comes to cars, now if only I could get a weekend with him ALL to myself!!!

What did you do this weekend?