I will be the first to admit that I have high expectations. Of everything apparently. Which doesn't make any sense because I have had so few things go the way I actually imagined they would. But that still doesn't deter me from doing it, and therefore I am inevitably always let down. It's my own fault really. I always say that I would rather be surprised than disappointed, but yet a little (not so secret) corner of my mind STILL expects something and 9.9 times out of 10 I am usually left in tears. I feel like my only other option is to expect nothing. All the time. Don't ever get my hopes up because, well, I will be let down.
Let me be honest here, I do know that some of these expectations are a little unrealistic. Do I really think that Mike is going to come home with 2 dozen roses and blindfold me to take me on the most amazing date ever that ends in a romantic hot air balloon ride? Not likely. I don't know where these high expectations come from. Some of it I blame on watching romantic movies, some of it I blame on the media, and some of it I just blame on my own selfishness. My life is never going to be like The Notebook, and assuming it will be is very unrealistic. It puts pressure on Mike and when I expect the unrealistic it ends up disappointing me and frustrating him. And he really is a good husband.
Expectations aren't entirely bad. We should expect to be provided for, treated with respect, loved, put first, etc. Within other relationships (family/friends etc) I should be able to expect that they are going to put effort into the relationship also. It isn't fair for one person to be constantly putting forth the effort to be in contact and always the one trying to make the plans. To me, that isn't a friendship and I am done.wasting.my.time. It takes 2 people for any relationship to work.
I am learning that I need to 1.) Be relying on God for my sense of security and strength 2.) I need to make sure my expectations (and actions) line up Biblically 3.) Let go of this selfish sense of entitlement and notion that I deserve anything at all
This world has instilled in us a sense of entitlement. We all think that we deserve everything; romance, gifts, to be waited on hand-and-foot, expensive toys, big houses, perfect children, etc etc. It is so important to remember that the only thing we deserve is to be punished for our sins. But thankfully, God took that upon Himself when He sent His only Son to die on the Cross so that we don't have to spend eternity in Hell. I am so glad that I am not getting what I deserve.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Romans 10:9-10 "If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."
**DISCLAIMER** I BY NO MEANS think that I am the perfect wife, mother, daughter(or daughter-in-law), sister(or sister-in-law), person, or friend. I fail miserably on a daily basis. I am just so tired of my heart hurting***
1 comment:
Michelle, Thanks for stopping by my blog! I wasn't able to email you back, so I wanted to swing by and just say that postpartum depression is a very real thing, and the first step to getting to a better place is admitting to yourself and those around you that you are not okay. Having feeling of embarrassment, anger, and disappointment does NOT make you a bad mother. It makes you a person. A human being. Sometimes it is hard for us as mothers, especially stay at home mothers, to put our "old" self behind us and move on with our new mommy self. It's a huge adjustment, not just for us, but for our spouses.
Those first few months of my daughter's life were SO HARD on my marriage. My husband and I fought all the time and I was constantly feeling like "I" was doing more for my marriage and my daughter than my husband was. This left me resentful toward my husband and there was a lot of strain.
But, once I recognized that I had a problem, postpartum depression, and took the steps I needed to get help not only did I finally feel that bonding experience with my daughter that I was longing for, but I also saw positive changes in my marriage.
I still struggle with similar things that you are struggling with in this post. I struggle with entitlement and constantly feeling like my husband "owes" me more than what he is giving me. Quite frankly, I believe these are the types of feelings that Satan uses to destroy marriages. I'm constantly having to turn these feelings over to the Lord and know that He is in control and His hand is over my marriage. He will guide me to the place I need to be.
I believe the Lord is most likely using this time in your life to teach you about yourself and your husband, and sometimes when you feel like your on the bottom, the only way to go is up.
Please feel free to email me. I hope you will consider taking your feelings of postpartum more seriously. I would love to help you find your way out of the dark and into the light. If you want, I could even give you my phone number. I promise I'm a good listener.
Hang in there, girl! *big hug* :)
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