Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day!!
I am so excited for all my friends who are first time Moms or pregnant, this has been such a blessed year! However my heart goes out to those who are struggling with trying to conceive or are having infertility issues. I am sure that today is hard for you. I can't say I know what you are going through, but God does and He has a plan for you. I am also thinking about those who have lost a baby, I am praying for you today, that God will give you strength and speak peace to your soul.
I am SO thankful for my own Mom, she is so amazing and has made so many sacrifices for my brothers and I. She is THE best! I hope that one day I will be the kind of mother that she has always been to me!
So this is my first "official" Mothers Day. Last year I was pregnant on Mothers Day but I really didn't understand what it was going to be like to be a mother. It is some hard work! Before I had Ellie I thought it was going to be so easy to be a Mom and raise babies. HA! I will admit I was a little lot ignorant. I really thought that my life would just go on mean I know that I would have the obvious changes but I would still be able to go out to eat, or have friends stop by, or go to my Moms for dinner (etc etc) but now I would just have this adorable little mini with me. She would smile and coo and we would fawn all over how sweet she was. REALITY: we don't go out to eat, friends may stop by but they quickly run away because Ellie will be fussy and that takes up all my attention and energy, I can't go to my Moms for diner anymore because that's bedtime and Ellie doesn't do that well out of her environment at bedtime...Nursing was also going to be the easiest most natural thing in the world. HA, maybe for other people! It hasn't been that bad, but having to cut.out.dairy has really sucked, we've played this pull off on off on off on game for over a month now, and there is the ever-present fear of "I don't produce enough milk" (FYI I am a HUGE worry wart in general!) Ellie is a moderately fussy baby and I swear she knows when I make plans and try to leave the house because it turns into melt down city. So instead I've just decided that I will be in hibernation mode until she is 1. AT LEAST lol. All of that aside, I wouldn't change it for the world. Would I like to be able to get out and see the light of day more, yes, who wouldn't. But I know this stage in my/her life is short and I will never get these days back. So I will cherish them and savor the sweet quality one-on-one time that we spend together.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the fact that I am responsible for this little life. What if I mess it up? What if she doesn't grow up to be what God planned for her to be? What if I'm doing everything wrong? What if I'm not following the "right" routine or using the "right" methods? What if I can't nurse for the first year like I planned? ETC. A girl can really get stressed out! The best advice I ever got was "Trust your instincts. Feed her when she's hungry, put her to bed when she is tired, change her diaper when she needs it, and love her like crazy. She needs your love almost more than she needs food." Wow that really put things in perspective. These are her basic needs and I need to trust myself on everything else. I need to do what is right for my baby; my family. Advice is great, and appreciated, but what it really boils down to is what works for us. Over the past 5 months I have tried to learn to trust myself, but most importantly trust that God is in control.

I am simply amazed at how much love I can hold for a single human being. I love my husband, family, and friends but this is completely different. This little girl has captured me, she is so amazing. I would do anything for her. I am so grateful that God has given this little girl to me and trusted me to raise her in a way that is glorifying to Him. (WOW that's a lot of pressure!!) I hope that I can make Him proud. Ellie you are the light of my life (cliche...ok) and I love you more than words can explain. I am so excited to watch you grow and flourish. You are an amazing little girl and we are so blessed to have you in our lives!

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