six.twenty-two.twenty-twelve.

A day I will never forget
(I have to warn you, this is really long. But this is written for me.)

Let's start back in April. 

We decided that it was time. 

We were ready to add to our family. 

Ellie was almost 16 months and I was finally getting over the PTSD I had from when she was a newborn. Mike told me he wanted a baby for his birthday (Feb. 26) which mean we had to get down to business. So I tossed out those little colored pills and we threw caution to the wind. I spent the whole month wondering if this was the month. One day I was sure I was pregnant, the next day I was convinced this wasn't our month. 

I took my first test on Tuesday, May 22. 

Negative

I thought maybe it was too early to tell so I put the rest of the tests in a drawer and promised myself I wouldn't test again until Thursday morning. 

I took my second test on May 24. Mike asked me what it said and I told him negative.

 Not a second after he closed the door to leave for work did that faint second line appear.

Positive?!

I took another test that afternoon and sure enough-positive.

This was it. I!was!pregnant!

I went back and forth in my mind on how I was going to tell Mike and when he called to tell me he was on his way home I knew how I was going to do it. 

When he came upstairs I told him I had a surprise for him...it was in the oven. 

He took out a package of hamburger buns and said "You made me hamburgers!!" I smirked and said "Nooo..." He said "Oh I know,  you found the manwich BBQ sauce!!" I laughed and said "Nope..." He looked at me confused and I said "Well you'll just have to figure it out cause I'm not going to tell you!" and that's when I knew he got it. His face lit up and he said "No, are you serious!!" I told him yes and he hugged me and we both laughed. That night we laid in bed talking about all our hopes and dreams for the new baby. Which room would be the baby's, how we wanted to paint, names we liked, what we were going to need etc. I could tell he was so excited. And so was I.

Ellie was a surprise. We weren't planning on trying for another few months when I found out I was pregnant.  Now don't get me wrong. We wanted her. We were so excited and happy to have her. But this was totally new to us. It was a completely different feeling. Knowing you were trying and hoping to see that second line. According to my handy dandy What to expect App I was due February 2, 2013. Our fifth wedding anniversary! What an amazing anniversary present!!

I went to the Dr's to confirm through a blood test and got the "Yep, you're pregnant." phone call. He told me he wanted me to have an ultrasound in 2 weeks. I would be 6 weeks 4 days, which was almost exactly how far along I was when we heard Ellie's heartbeat. We told immediate family so that we would have constant prayers over the next 9 months. I told one of my brothers the same way I told Mike and my SIL got it on camera. My sister told my brother that I made dessert for him, so I'm sure he was confused when he opened the oven door. 

 Tuesday
6.12.12

The weeks passed and Mike and I went in for the ultrasound. I was a little nervous, but trusted that every thing was in God's hands. The tech called  me back and when I was ready she turned on the screen. I couldn't see anything so I just went back and forth watching the tech and Mike's face. Then I saw his frown. My heartbeat quickened and I knew something wasn't right. She told me that there was a gestational and yolk sac but no baby. We went into a room to wait for the Dr. As soon as the nurse walked out I burst into tears. Mike sat next to me and just held me as I cried. 

The Dr. came in after what seemed like an eternity and told me the worst news I have ever heard in.my.life. 

"I just don't think this pregnancy is viable."

We were devastated. He told me that the sacs were irregular in shape and that every time he has seen this it has ended in miscarriage. They took my blood again to check my levels and he said he expected them to be low and not rising. He told me he would call me tonight with the results and set up a follow-up ultrasound for the next week. I asked him if we could expect to see anything different on the next ultrasound and he said No. Mike and I were devastated to say the least. 

My brother and SIL were at home watching Ellie and when we opened the door he looked at us and asked us how it went. I just looked at him and shook my head. He immediately got up and hugged me. Mike and I both cried and went to our room to have some time to talk and process things. That night my Dr called and said my levels have went from the original 227 to over 6,000. He told me not to get my hopes up and to still come in for my ultrasound the next week. After searching Dr. Goggle for hours on end I read story after story of women who have had the same diagnosis. Some who went on to have healthy pregnancies, and some that didn't. I tried to slap a smile on my face for the next week. I put on a brave face and stood up in my friends wedding trying to hold myself together. Even though I couldn't grasp the reality of it, I had come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to lose this baby. I prayed that if we were going to lose this pregnancy that it would happen before a baby ever developed because I thought it would be easier if we never actually saw a baby. I begged God for a miracle. He is the healer. He is almighty.

Monday

6.18.22

Mike and I tentatively drove to my Dr's office for our second ultrasound. My heart raced as I waited for them to call us back. When the tech came into the waiting room and called us back I thought I was going to puke. After I was all set she came in and turned on the machine. I lay there praying praying praying with my arm over my eyes. And then I heard it. The whoosh whoosh whoosh...there was a baby and a heartbeat of 126bpm. Our little baby was alive.

PRAISE GOD. PRAISE GOD. PRAISE GOD!!!

She tore off a picture for us to take home with us and we waited to talk to the Dr. 

He told me once again not to get my hopes up and that he wanted me to keep coming in for ultrasounds and he expected in the next few weeks we would come back and there wouldn't be a heartbeat. The whole time the Dr was giving me sad eyes and telling me things still didn't look good I just sat there smiling staring at the picture of my little baby. The little life that had formed inside of me. Ellie's little brother or sister. Our second child. Our baby.

I called and shared the amazing news with my family and asked them to continue flooding Heaven's gates with their prayers. I continued to have hope. I continued to pray for a miracle. Because my Dr was not God. He did not have the final authority. The Dr told me that my levels wouldn't rise. They did. 

He said that a baby wouldn't develop and we wouldn't see anything on our next ultrasound. We did. 

That week I decided that I wanted a second opinion. I wanted to use the midwives at my hospital for this birth so I made an appointment for that Friday. 

Friday
6.22.12

We drove the 25 minutes to the hospital anxious to meet the midwife and see what she had to say. We made small talk while we sat in the exam room waiting for her to come in. Once she came in I was instantly at ease. We had a conversation about what my Dr said, what my last birth was like, and why I wanted to use a midwife. She set my mind at ease and asked me when my due date was. I told her that they never gave me one. My Dr was so pessimistic for a good outcome he never told me. She said that I was due February 1, 2012. (Ellie was born 3 weeks early so I figured I would have a January baby.) She asked us if it was ok if she fit us in for an ultrasound this afternoon and of course we agreed. As I laid there on the table waiting for the tech I didn't know what to expect. But I was prepared either way. She turned on the machine and took picture after picture. I just laid there praying as I listened to the sound of her nails hitting the keys. And then it was time. I already knew. She turned on the audio and there it was...

nothing

A flat line across the screen. 

Sometime between Monday afternoon and Friday afternoon we had lost our baby.
I felt like I was instantly another statistic. I had joined a group, those of whom I felt such grief for, but never wanted to join.

She told us that the midwife would be in to go over everything with us. She came in and asked us if we were sure we heard the heartbeat on Monday. She suggested that maybe we just heard my heartbeat at the appointment. As much as we wished that were true we told her we definitely sure. Not only did we hear it, we saw it flickering on the screen. She said that I could go ahead and have a D&C or we could retest my hcg and make sure my levels were decreasing first. I told her I wanted to be 100% sure beyond a shadow of a doubt before we made any decisions.

They re-drew my blood after my appointment and we went home. Later that afternoon she told me my levels  were above 8,000. I had an appointment for the following Monday to re-draw my blood and talk about my options.

I was taking the news better than I ever expected I would. I had always wondered what I would do if I ever had a miscarriage. Would I cry? Would I be ok? How would I react? It wasn't until later that afternoon that it hit me. I went into our room and just laid on our bed sobbing. 

Hysterical. 

My baby was gone. Why is this happening? Why me? All the hopes and dreams that we had just talked about 4 weeks ago for this little one were just gone. I lost the baby. There is no more heartbeat. Mike lost his son or daughter. Ellie just lost her little brother or sister. There will be no baby come February. 

Our anniversary. How will I ever get through our anniversary knowing that I am supposed to be giving birth to a healthy little baby that weekend?

Monday

6.25.12

I drove myself to the hospital to have my final ultrasound that afternoon. We already knew what was going to happen so there was no need for Mike to take more time off work to come with me. They drew blood again. And then I met with the midwife who sent me over for one last ultrasound. There was a door in the room that connected to the bathroom. A girl in a purple shirt walked into the restroom and I saw her as she closed the door. When the tech came back in I stared at the ceiling while she took 100 more pictures-click, tap, tap, tap...and once again the thin straight line across the screen indicating there was no heartbeat. She asked me if I wanted her to explain what was going on and I said yes. She showed me the gestational sac, yolk sac, and the baby and explained that there was no heartbeat. She said that the yolk sac was larger than normal and told me she was so sorry. She asked me if I wanted a picture of the baby. She said I know it might sound weird, but it can help with closure. I told her that would actually mean a lot to me. So she printed me a picture and once again told me she was sorry.

My last picture of our baby

She sent me to the waiting room to wait to talk over my options with the midwife. It was just going to be "a few minutes". Which turned into well over an hour. There were no good magazines in the lobby, my cell phone was about to die so I just watched one pregnant girl after another happily walk in for their pre-natal appointment.
While I was sitting in the waiting room I saw the girl in the purple shirt walk out of the office. She was with her mom and holding hands with her boy friend. She couldn't have been over 17. Max. And in her other hand was a strip of ultrasound pictures. I caught a glimpse of the sonogram and saw a perfectly formed baby. She wasn't showing but I would assume she was around 12 weeks.
You've got to be shitting me.
She gets a baby? Really?
It took everything inside of me to keep myself together. Thankfully a nurse finally called me back to wait in an exam room instead. Maybe they finally realized having me sit out there was a horrible idea. While I was once again waiting a nurse called me on my cell phone to ask me if I was going to be coming in for my appointment. I thought I was going to jump through my phone and strangle her. I said I am at my appointment. I am waiting in a room to see the midwife. I have been waiting to see her. "Oh," she said "I guess I'll come down there then."
She walks in and tells me I am scheduled for 10:00 a.m. the next morning and grabs the door handle to leave the room. "For what??" I ask her. She tells me for my D&C. I almost yell "I don't even know if I'm doing that yet. The whole reason I'm sitting here waiting is to have someone explain everything to me and answer my questions." "Oh," she says once again. "I guess I'll send someone in." You guess. YOU GUESS? A few minutes later another nurse comes in and asks what type of questions I have and if someone can answer then over the phone. I told her I guess so and leave my cell number and head home.
I was so mad. So annoyed. So frustrated. So PISSED. No one, except the ultrasound tech, showed me any sympathy. I ended up scheduling an appointment with a different Dr the next day to talk over my concerns.

I know that miscarriages are common. I know what the statistics are. I know that I am lucky to have Ellie. I know that we will probably be able to go on and have another healthy child. I know we can try again. I know we can have another baby. But that doesn't mean that this hurts any less. I wanted this baby. And I know when people say these things they are just trying to help, or make me feel better. But it doesn't make me want to punch them any less.

Some days I'm ok. Some days I'm not. 

The first week I couldn't sleep. I would stay awake pouring over the miscarriage, stillborn, and infant loss board on baby center, getting comfort and words of encouragement from strangers. I would cry at night when I went to bed. Mike would lie next to me and hold me while I sobbed.
Now it comes in waves. All of the sudden out of the blue it will hit me and I'm crying. Seeing another pregnant woman, seeing yet another pregnancy announcement from someone who is due in January or February, the baby section at Meijer when I'm grocery shopping, little newborn clothes, the mention of our anniversary...etc. And don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone who is due around then, but it's still a painful reminder of what I'm supposed to be preparing for. Instead I'm sitting here grieving everything that was to come. The sleepless nights, the joys and pains of nursing, giving birth, having a snuggly newborn, the teeny tiny onesies...

I'm supposed to be 12 weeks today. We were going to announce the pregnancy to the rest of our family next week. We had it all planned out. We took these pictures before we ever knew anything was wrong. I was going to give this to our Fathers on Father's Day. I ordered Mike a Fathers Day card that I made online and signed it from myself, Ellie, and the new baby.
We had already had bad news by the time it arrived.
It's amazing how things can change in just a month.

I'm supposed to be "in the clear" and instead I'm here recovering from the loss of our baby. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel like I'm not sad enough I feel like I'm too sad. Should I still be a sobbing mess? Shouldn't I be over it by now?I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I don't know how I would have ever gotten through this without my amazing friends and family. One of my friends lives in Nevada and less than 2 hours after I told her we lost the baby there was a knock at my door with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a sweet note. I was blown away. 

I am reminded of  how blessed I am to have Ellie. We aren't promised anything in this life and God gave us her. I think all of this would be 1000 times harder if this was our first baby. Or if I was farther along. It helps that Ellie keeps me busy and has been a little more snuggly the past month. I know one day I will be able to talk about everything without crying, but that doesn't mean I will ever forget our sweet baby who blessed us with their presence for 8 weeks. 
God is good, all the time. 
All the time, God is good. 

Fourth of July Freak-Out

If I'm being honest here...

My Fourth of July SUCKED. 

We had plans to meet up with the rest of my family at a friends house and have a cook-out and spend the day swimming. 

While we were getting ready Ellie was in the hallway and tripped and smashed her face into the floor. 

I was in her room getting things ready when I heard her scream.

Not  a pretty sight. I honestly thought that we were going to have to get her stitches because it was bleeding so much. At least in my mommy mind. 

But it was really just a little spot where she bit her lip. She had a nice fat lip the rest of the day and apparently her fall put her in quite the crank ass mood. 

We got to our friends house and she just screamed. 

Screamed because she couldn't play with the screen door.

Screamed because she couldn't climb up and down the 200 steps from the deck to the ground.

Screamed because I wanted to change her diaper

...put sunblock on her

...feed her grapes

...change her diaper

...give her milk

...

Get the picture?

She was a real gem. 

Mike took her outside for a little bit before lunch to give my ears a break and have a moment to catch my sanity. 

(Praise God for husbands)

We had an amazing lunch of BBQ ribs and chicken, potato salad, corn cake, watermelon, and I'm sure more deliciousness but I can't remember over the sound of the screeching. 

I brought dessert and I must say it was ah-mazing. I'm never asked to bring a side dish to a potluck-only dessert. Don't let me fool you, I'm not that great in the kitchen, I'm just great with a mouse. 

Thank you Pinterest

via

The best part of the day was when Ellie was down for her nap and Mike and I were able to lounge in the pool for an hour or so. However payback will come for dunking me mid-sentence and making me swallow half the pool water. 

It may be tomorrow, it may be next week, it may be next month, you'll never know but beware Mr.

When Ellie woke up I tried to bring her out into the pool and she was immediately back into Raptor mode with the screeching. Evidently our little water baby from last summer is not so keen on floating around in the pool this year. 

So I told Mike eff this, let's go home. We got home, had dinner, let Ellie throw some poppers on the ground, gave her a bath, and put the crank to bed! 

It's like she knows when I'm looking forward to doing something or when I'm thinking we'll have an easy day and she's all "Nope!"

Maybe next year will be more fun..right?!?

However, I do have to say if I fell and smacked my face on the hardwood I would probably be in a pretty foul mood the rest of the day.

And by probably I mean definitely. 

Every one would feel my wrath. 

(I wonder where she gets her personality from...)

Going To The Chapel...

Two Saturdays ago I threw my friend Erin a bachelorette party and we went out to Novi and hit a few of the bars. We went to Carraba's for dinner-amaze balls. I made all the girls little goody bags and whipped up a cake for the bride to be.

And this Saturday I was one of the (maids) Matron of Honor at Erin's wedding. 

{My gorgeous hair, courtesy of my sister}

I have known Erin since our junior year. We spent just about every weekend together. We were the life (lives) of the party. I have so many great memories with her. There was never a dull moment, that's for sure. And I have known her {now} husband Brent since 7th grade. 

Don't judge the pictures-of-a-picture. Some of these were before digital cameras. 

And don't judge my newly-wed grandma couch. 

Erin and I senior year.  

I believe it was our Junior year (before Brent and Erin were together) when Erin and I "bought" Brent and his friend at the Student Auction. We made the boys wear collars all day and do some pretty embarrassing things. Brent was quite the Mr. popular in high school. Once the two of them finally got together Erin and I would always joke that she was dating THE Brent C-----. 

And now she is married to THE Brent C---- and she is THE Mrs. C----

We have all had some pretty good times together!

These two are such a cute couple, and are so in-love. You can't help but smile and have a good time when you're around them.

Erin was, of course, stunning. 
The ceremony was perfect. Watching tear up Brent as Erin was getting ready to walk down the aisle was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Brent wrote most of the ceremony and we all listened as the minister told their love story. It was so sweet,  I'm sure everyone was a little choked up.

The reception was gorgeous, and the food was ah-ma-zing. Filet of beef and salmon; don't mind if I do! 

During their reception they all surprised us when half way through their first dance {Edwin McCain's "I'll Be"} and half way through broke out into a choreographed dance to Michael Jackon's "The Way You Make Me Feel". If blogger wasn't being stupid I would upload the video.

We had a blast at the wedding and I am so honored that the let me be a part of their big day. 

Here's to the next 50+ years!!

   

What's Been Goin On

Monday I went over to my SILs house to take some pictures of little Miss E. I guess these would technically be her 18 month pics. 

EIGHTEEN MONTHS.

1.5 YEARS.

WHAT?!?

I still can't believe how this happened but she cracks me up every day. I love her little personality.

And even her strong will!

She took a little tumble off the stairs and hit her head and was telling me all about it. 

It's definitely very interesting trying to get an 18 month old to sit where you want her to sit and do what you want her to do during pictures-or any time for that matter. Or maybe that's just my 18 month old!!

I was FINALLY able to get all the crap off my stove this week. I had tried actual oven cleaner when we first moved in, but that didn't even work so I figured it was caked on forever from the A-holes that lived here before us!

Beware, it was terrible before. But don't judge me we just moved in. 3 years ago. 

I feel like we got a new stove. I am so proud of myself. I keep asking Mike "Did you see my stove, look what I did" He asked me if I wanted a cookie and I told him yes, I actually do!!

Elli has become o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d. with this doll. She carries her everywhere, knows to go get her when you say "where's your doll". She carries her around and pats her back, she rocks her, she feeds her, she rocks her in the swing, and she buckles her into the car seat. She is such a little mama, It melts my heart!!

I am planning a bachelorette party for my friend this weekend, any one have any fun ideas? Dinner and the bar(s) have already been picked out, but I just want to make sure this is a night she'll never forget...or never remember!!

11 Things

Here's a fun post that Ashley The Mommyhood Adventure tagged me in.

 

The Rules

1. You must post the rules (and link up who tagged you).
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag however many people you want
5. Let them know you've tagged them!

11 Facts about me
1. I have been married for {almost} 4 years. 2/2 baby!!!
2. I have gone to the same church my entire life
3. I played soccer for 15 years, and even played one season in college
4. I spent 6 months living with my SIL in NC while my brother was in Iraq
5. I am TERRIFIED of the ocean and everything that lives in it
6. I could eat Panera every.single.day
7. I love to be crafty and make things for other people
8. I have never ordered a burger/steak at a restaurant
9. I have an associates degree in Liberal Arts
10. If I could do anything I would be an adolescent counselor
11. I would love to have a HUGE family...just have to get hubs on board :)

11 Questions from Ashley
1. If you could vacation anywhere in the world and money was not a concern, where would you go? I would love to go to on a Mediterranean cruise. That way I could visit multiple places!

2. Who's your best friend? Why? My best friend is Andrea, I have known her for 20 years. We met in Kindergarten and have been through SO much together. We have had a rough patch here or there but she has always been there for me whenever I need her. Day or night. She is my soul sister. I love her to death!

3. Facebook addict or Twitter addict? Facebook...to be honest I still don't understand Twitter.
4. Where is your favorite place to shop? If I am going to be honest it is Babies R Us, otherwise I would have to say Kohls.
5. What is your go-to clothing item? Honestly...a sweatshirt. Don't judge me.
6. If you had to read one author for the rest of your life, whose books would you want to read? Karen Kingsbury. Her series about the Baxter Family is amazing. All of her books are amazing. Go to the library and check her out. GO.
7. If you only had one day left to live, what would you do and who would spend with? That's a tough one. I would spend it with my husband, daughter, sibs, and mom and spend the whole time making sure they know how much I love them. I would tell my daughter how much she means to me and..ok I'm almost crying I can't think about this anymore...
8. Tell us the top 3 items on your DVR list? Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, and Law and Order SVU. I miss Stabler.
9. Tell us the color of the dress you wore to your senior prom? Black..and why yes, my hubs was my prom date!

10. What is your favorite childhood memory? Going to Gull Lake every year with my whole entire family. Spending a week together swimming, playing sports, going to youth group, and spending time in The Word. It was so much fun. I am so thankful for the relationships that I have with my cousins and it is all because we made the effort to get together every year and invest in each other.
11. Mountains or the beach?


1. What is one household chore that you wish you never had to do?
2. When you do laundry do you put it away or does it hang out in baskets for a week day?
3. What is your dream job?
4. If you could do anything, what would you do to change the World?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. If you could re-do one moment in your life what would it be and why?
7. What is your favorite restaurant, and what is your favorite thing on the menu?
8. Where is your favorite vacation spot and why?
9. Who has been most inspirational in your life and why?
10. What song most describes you?
11. If you could go back and talk to your 16-year old self what would you say??

Now it's your turn! I choose you lovelies {and anyone else who wants to participate}

Andrea at Let it Be
Melissa at Carpenters Three
Tami at Little Moments Like This
Megan at Mackey Madness
Thats a tough one, if it is a beach that is NOT on the ocean then I would have to say the beach. However, I think it would be so fun to go hiking in the mountains, something I think I need to add to my bucket list!!

11 Questions for YOU!

 

It's January?

I feel like I've been totally slacking in the blogging area in December.

It's just been so stinkin busy with birthdays and the 17,656 Christmas get togethers this year.

Ok so there weren't that many

But we did have 6, and I have one more for GEMS next week.

Last Thursday I went to the Melting Pot with some girlie friends for Ladies Night.

We had so much fun! And it was soooooo good. I love fondue.

Friday night my MIL took E for the night so Mike and I went and had a nice romantic date

...

at the shooting range.

I had never even held a gun before so it was a whole new experience for me.

We walked into the range and it was so frickin loud and I had to keep reminding myself

I'm a big brave dog...I'm a big brave dog...

Mike shot a few rounds then asked me if I wanted to go.

I shot about three and turned around and shook my head. I put the gun down and stood by the wall.

I seriously thought I was having a panic attack.

That many people with that many guns

What if someone made on little mistake? What if they let a serial killer in here? They only take your license so how do they know they didn't let in a maniac?

It was so loud. It didn't help that rambo over in the corner had a grenade launcher.

It would hurt so bad if someone shot me.

I had to get out of there. I didn't want to cry in front of all these guys.

I almost asked Mike to give me the keys to the mom mobile.

But instead I said to myself don't be a (w)uss and to put my big girl pants on.

I told Mike I wanted to try it again and I did pretty darn good if you ask me...or my hubs.

I got 23/26 body shots.

On the way there I had told Mike I was going to be a natural and shoot better than him.

I felt so anxious after we left and it took me awhile to calm down and stop feeling like I was having a heart attack but I think it is something I would probably do again.

Andrea and Jason were coming over for a game night so we stopped at Meijer to get a "few" things I need to make dessert.

I litereally had like 6 things on my list...

$124 dollars later we were checking out.

How in the heck does that happen?

I hate Meijer.

I lie; I love it.

But it was totally worth it because I made these babies and they were DELISH.

Throw in a few more family Christmases and I think that pretty much wraps up the rest of December.

Someday I'll tell you about all my aspirations for the new year.

Maybe in February...

or July...

Twilight

I had a little mommy time this weekend so my bff and I went to my fave restaurant Stir Crazy and then we saw Twilight on Friday night.

Don't judge me.

We rented the other movies a few weekends ago.

I was really embarrassed calling the movie store to see if they had any of the Twilight movies in stock.

Apparently we decided to start our Twilight journey them the weekend that Breaking Dawn came out so it was really hard to find a copy. And once we started the movies I knew I would have to see the saga through till the end.

I never had any intention of jumping on this wagon.

I am not a fan of Vamps. "Dark" stuff like that does not appeal to me.

Whenever I think of Twilight I picture screaming teenage girls and those stupid Team Edward/Jacob shirts.

And I am a die hard HP fan.

DIE HARD.

My sister read the books and told me they were so amazing and that Edward was really old school and wouldn't sleep with Bella until they were married.

That sparked my interest because that is not a typical Hollywood theme.

The movie was actually pretty good. I want to read the book to see what the second part will be about. Especially since I've heard that the books are so much better than the movies.

I'm still not a Twi-tard-or a Twi-hard or whatever you call it, but I love the theme of family throughout the movies.

And if I had to choose I am team Edward-but only because I love the way he loves Bella.

He is too pale and skinny.

Otherwise I am team Jacob-especially when he is shirtless.

Oh did I mention that I went to see Breaking Dawn again with my sister Sunday night?

She really wanted to go, so we left both our babies with our hubbies and went to the Theater.

I swear I'm not a twi-hard.

Say Yes To The Dress

I feel like my posts for the next month will be littered with my emotional self talking about how Ellie is going to be a year next month. Be prepared for my sappiness.

Saturday I went wedding dress shopping with my soul sister.

I am so frickin excited to say she found THE dress.

Not the dress.

THE dress.

It is amazing. It's perfect!

She is gonna look gorgeous on her wedding day!

I am so excited!

Now I have to find something else to do on Saturdays.

Her and her man came over later that night for some honey crisp apple crisp and play some games.

Per the usual we had so much fun!

Mad Gab can get pretty intense!

Ok here is the sap

I really can't believe that in ONE month my baby will be ONE.

How did that happen?

Really, how?

Didn't I just bring a sweet squishy baby home from the hospital?

In just 11 short months

how can this

grow into this?

It's amazing.

When I say I miss my little baby everyone just says it's time to have another one. But it won't be the same. It won't be Ellie. I won't be able to spend the one on one time with them like I did with Ellie. And it won't be just Ellie and I. I would have another baby to focus on..and a toddler to chase around. I just know that I will never get these moments back. She will never again be as little as she was today. You just never know when the "last time" of something will be. The last time they fall asleep on your chest. The last time you get to snuggle up next to them and take a nap. The last time you will nurse them. The last time they they will have that newborn smell. It blows my mind how fast time goes. I feel like I'm going to blink and she will be in high school. And that terrifies me!

But I am SO looking forward to everything that is to come.

It amazes me just how much I love this little girl.

All you mommas out there:

Did you have a hard time when your little one turned 1?

Where Did The Weekend Go?

 

It's Monday?
Again?
Already?
What the crap.

I went to a Bridal Show with my BFF Andrea yesterday, and the first thing we saw as we rolled into town was a lady squatting against a building taking a shat on the sidewalk right on the main street.

Welcome to Dearborn.

It's always an adventure.

We got our family pictures this weekend. Thankfully there were no tears from Elliebelle, and no hysterics over having to wear shoes.
WIN
My brother and my niece and nephew were in town this weekend so Saturday we went to my mom's house to hang out with him and my other brother and his fam.

As soon as we got there my mom took off for the grocery store, the boys went to play in the garage and left me with the little munchkins.

It all happened so fast. There were tons of people and then suddenly I was standing alone in the kitchen with a 2 year old and a 4 year old and was responsible for their entertainment and keeping them in one piece.

But that's ok because I love those little squirts so much.

I did get worried that my mom actually followed thru with her threat of running away when she was gone for over an hour. The store is 3 miles away and she went for apples, I thought for sure she wasn't coming back. She did spend 1.5 hours at Phineas and Ferb's magic show that afternoon so I guess she deserved some alone time!

She made up for it by making apple dumplings.

We were there until almost midnight playing Phase 10.

I hate Phase 10.

The game took over 3 hours.

Shoot me.

And because it was daylight savings everyone kept saying "Oh it's still early."

Midnight is not early!

At least we got an extra hour of sleep that night. Cause this momma is CRAN-KAY when I don't get ma sleep.

Now E is in bed and it's time to catch up on some Gossip Girl.

Yes, that's right. I said Gossip Girl.

I love me some Blake Lively and Penn Badgley.

Check out this post by Raven.

Super good and informational.

But be warned: It will change the way you think about food and what you eat.

And she is hilarious.

 

An Unexpected Proposal

On October 14th Mike and I went out to celebrate my BFF's (Andrea) well deserved promotion.

Because she is awesome and is a hot shot at work.

When she told me about this shindig I said

"wouldn't it be funny if it turned into an engagement celebration"

ha

ha

ha

We dropped Ellie off at my MIL's and got ready to par-tay.

(She was returned at midnight because little Miss wouldn't quit freaking out at Gma's. Oh how I love separation anxiety)

Andrea and her bf Jason have been together for about 2 years and are seriously the best couple e.v.e.r.

They are "our" couple.

You know; your go-to couple. The one you stay up playing games with until 5:00a.m.

Or is that just us?

We love them.

We had dinner and were having some bevies when Jason gave Andrea some presents for her promotion.

Two baby blue wrapped boxes tied with ribbon.

I started getting excited. What I mean by excited is I was having a heart attack.

Inside the first box was a plastic toy grizzly bear

?

And a note that explained how Jay is like the grizzly.

OK.

Then she opened the second box

I just knew this was it!!!

She pulled out the most gorgeous, extravagant,

toy giraffe.

And there was another note explaining how she is like a giraffe (she loves giraffes)

and he made her read it out loud

At the end of the note he wrote there is something he's been meaning to ask her

I'm guessing she said yes.

Ok, so I cried a little.

She was totally surprised! It was so sweet!!

The shot we all want to see.

BAM!

This ring: is beautiful!

B-E-A-UTIFUL

I have known this girl for 20 years and I think I have seen her cry twice.

This was the second time.

It was such a special moment and I am so glad that we were there along with her family to witness it.

These two are so in love and so perfect for each other.

I couldn't ask for a better man to marry my best friend, she deserves the best.

These two had perma-grins the rest of the night!

I can't wait to celebrate and PARTY with them next year at their wedding.

It's going to be EPIC.

We love you two so much!!

CONGRATULATIONS!