The Scariest Night Of My Life

We are still alive over here. I just realized that it has been forever since I have blogged about anything! We have just been so busy lately. There is a lot to catch up on! But more on that another day.

Last Thursday was the scariest night of my life. Ever. 

Literally.

I honestly thought that I was going to die.

I promise I am not being dramatic.

It all started around 7:30 when I was giving Ellie her bath before bed. My arm was feeling kind of funny. I was getting random jolts sent through it; it felt like it was kind going numb or tingly so I just figured I just had a pinched nerve or something.

After Ellie's bath I took her into her room and put her on her changing table. I went through her usual routine- drying her off, putting on lotion (this little piggy...), and I got out a bum genius and was stuffing it with an overnight insert and my arm did it again. So I shook my arm out and told myself to concentrate on what I was doing. After I put her diaper on I sat her up to put on her jammies. Which is when I realized I couldn't move my left arm. 

I couldn't feel it. 

Something wasn't right. 

I felt like it was paralysed.

I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Mike at work but before he could answer my face went slack. I couldn't feel it. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I thought "Oh my gosh I am having a stroke."

As the rest of my body was going numb/shutting down I knew that my legs were giving out and I fell to the floor. The phone dropped out of my hand and I could feel myself losing consciousness. All I kept telling myself was "Get to your phone. You have to get to your phone." And then I was out. 

Mike answered my call and could hear Ellie screaming in the background. He said my name over and over when I didn't respond he figured I had butt dialed him and hung up to call me back. When he called back and I didn't answer he knew something was wrong.

We figure I was out for around 5 minutes or so from the time I called him and when he finally got through to me. I don't remember if I called him or if I answered his call. It's all a little bit fuzzy. But he said that I was hysterical and sobbing and couldn't tell him what happened.

When I came to I looked up to see that Ellie was still sitting on her changing table happily pulling all the wipes out of the container. All I could think was thank God that she stayed put. There have been a few times when I would step away from her when she was on the changing table to get a pair of socks out of another drawer and I would always tell her "Ellie don't move. Stay there. Don't move. Good job!!" So she knew to stay put. Praise God she was ok.

 Mike raced home from work to take me to the ER and I was really weak and shaky and pretty dizzy. He was driving a little faster than the speed limit so of course we ended up getting pulled over on our way to the hospital. Mike told the cop that we were on our way to the ER and he offered to call us an ambulance so that "I could get there faster and safely." but we declined that $1,000 ride since we weren't very far from the hospital.

After taking some blood, doing an EKG, and running some other tests the Dr. told me that my potassium and sodium were low, and electrolytes were off and they thought that was why my body kind of just shut down. So they gave me an IV and two giant horse pills of potassium and sent us on our merry way.

It took me a few days to recover. I was absolutely exhausted and my amazing husband let me sleep as much as I wanted to over the weekend. Wake up at 11, nap at 1:30, sleep until 4:30....it was nice. You know how when you get a charlie horse in your calf your leg is sore for a few days after-well that is how every muscle in my body felt from Friday thru Sunday. I was so sore all weekend.

I won't lie I was terrified of the thought of Mike going back to work on Monday and I may have cried about it Sunday night, but can you really blame me? I am beyond terrified that this will happen again . Terr-i-fied.
I think Mike is a little worried too.
He constantly texts me through out the day asking me if I am ok and seeing how I am doing. It's so sweet.

I made sure that I had babysitters for myself all week so I wasn't alone and thankfully have continued to feel better and nothing has happened since. I am still pretty shook up over it and am afraid that something like this will ever happen again but I just pray every day that God will keep me safe and healthy...and eat a nice big banana with a side of Gatorade.

My Sickling

On Thursday we had a sick baby. And I don't mean of the runny nose kind. 

Mike didn't have to be into work until 1:30 and I had an appointment at 10:15 so I was getting ready to head out the door at 9:40 but Ellie was being fussy and wanted up so I picked her up to give her a smooch good-bye.

First mistake.

 A few seconds after she was in my arms she projectile vomited all over me, the couch, and the floor. Twice. 

So after I stripped her down and changed my clothes I left and Mike won the prize of cleaning up the gigantic mess. She has thrown up before and then been fine so I figured it was just a fluke. ha!

Once I got home and after he left for work Ellie was being super snugly so we just sat on the couch and watched some "Micka Mouse". I wanted to keep her mellow and sitting in one place and this was the only way to do it. 

I tried to put her down for a nap around 2:00 but she didn't want me to leaver he in her crib so I told her that she could take a nap in Mommy's bed but she had to sleep. I didn't have very high hopes because she NEVER sleeps when we bring her in there but in less than 5 minutes she was O.U.T. I dozed for about 45 minutes and then I just laid in bed and played on my DS while she slept. She was out until 5:00!! This girl never sleeps that long. Her naps are usually only an hour long. 

Homegirl took OVER the bed!!

I figured once she woke up she would be feeling better so I brought her back out to watch some more "Micka Mouse" and fed her a few crackers. 2 seconds later she was fussing and threw up all over me again. Poor girl. I cleaned up the mess, put her in the bath and let her play for about a half hour or so. Once she was in bed she slept through the night and I assumed she would be a-ok in the morning. (You know you have watched too much Mickey Mouse when you are singing yourself to sleep with the hot-dog song.)

Wrong again.

I gave her some toast for breakfast on Friday and she couldn't keep that down so I made an appointment for the Dr's. While we waited for her appointment we watched a little more "Micka Mouse" and she was sitting on the couch and then just flopped over and cashed out. I don't think in her 21 months of life she has EVER fallen asleep on the couch. 

We used towels for "blankets" for obvious reasons

In the office's lobby she was saying she wanted a (s)nack so I figured that meant she was feeling better if she wanted to eat. I gave her a plum organics pouch and less than a minute later it all came back up again.The Dr. said it was just a bug and to keep an eye out for dehydration because she couldn't keep anything down. She suggested Pedialyte but we later found out that was a bad idea because Ellie would just chug it and you guessed it-couldn't keep it down. She took a short little nap and I packed to head up north for my BFFs bachelorette bash. I felt so bad leaving my little sicking but I knew that she would be fine with Mike. I called him a little after we left and she said she was doing ok but kept saying "Mommy. Where's Mommy." It broke my heart. He said she was asking for me on Saturday morning too. She's so sweet. 

We had made plans with my mom to watch Ellie on Saturday but told her that it didn't ;look like it was going to happen because it wasn't looking like she was going to get better any time soon. I felt really bad because I know how much she was looking forward to it so when Ellie woke up Saturday and was able to keep everything down she went to my moms for the afternoon...after daddy took her to Olive Garden for lunch of course! I was so happy to hear that she was doing better and it let me relax enough to enjoy the weekend. 

All better. And sporting her new converse kicks. Man she looks like her daddy here.

Seeing Ellie sick broke my heart. I just felt so bad for her. A 21 month old doesn't understand what's happening when they're throwing up and I can just imagine how much it freaked her out. I am so glad that she is feeling better and I am seriously contemplating wrapping her up in a bubble so we NEVER have to deal with that again!!

So now we I get the fun job of breaking her from thinking she gets to watch "Micka Mouse" all day. 

Oh Joy. 

SUYL-Etsy shops

I'm linking up with Kelly today for SUYL what you make or sell. 

Between my two sisters and I we have 4 girls under 5 and we love dressing them up in girly, frilly, fun outfits and accessories. The three of us love to craft and enjoy making things for our girls and other people so a few months ago my sisters and I started throwing around the idea of starting our own little business and creating all things girly. At first it started as just something fun that we would talk about when we got together, but the more we talked about it the more we wanted to see it happen. 

We've been praying that God would show us if this is something He wants us to do, and we are so excited to see where things go from here. Thanks for stopping by and taking a look at our creations!

Delicate Darlings

One of our specialties is our beautiful tutu-dresses. The tops are 2 crocheted 6 inch bands for total coverage and modesty. 

There are 2 layers of tulle on the skirt for maximum fullness.

We also offer framed hair accessory holders 

that accent any nursery or bedroom. 

This is a fun way to display and 

 protect your hair accessories

Accessory holders can be made with or with-out fabric. Here is one full of flowers.

Check out our Etsy shop and don't forget to like us on Facebook!

Show and Tell-Going to the Chapel

 Are you married? If so when did you get married, and tell us about your special day. If not? How would you describe your dream wedding?

Mike and I have been married for 4.5 years. We had a winter wedding on 2/2/08 when I was the ripe old age of 20. We were married in my hometown and then had the reception about 45 minutes away. I was a huge procrastinator when it came to making decisions and didn't even order the invitations for our wedding until the end of December. Which is a good thing because we had to change the date from 2/23 to 2/2. In the middle of December my brother (who was one of the best men) told me that he might be in the field (He was in the Marines) on the 23rd and wouldn't be able to make it to our wedding. Thanks for the short notice....but luckily everything worked out and the only person that couldn't change the date was our photographer (who was a friend of the family) but luckily we had a back-up. We also had a little fiasco with the flowers. I bought some offline that "look and feel real" and I hated them. They were white calla lillies and the tips were supposed to be dipped in a "cranberry" color but it looked more like fuchsia.  They didn't arrive until Thursday before the wedding (the day of my bachelorette party) and when I picked up the grooms boutonniere the "cranberry" part of it rubbed off. The lady shipped out more flowers and they didn't arrive until like an hour before the ceremony. I definitely wish we would have had different flowers. For the most part I am happy with our wedding, but there are 1000 things I would do different now; thanks to Pinterest. Darn you Pinterest. 

Show us some wedding pictures. Either yours or of some that you love.

I told my parents this was the last time they could tell me what to do!

The Flowers. Oh and my adorable niece.

Our wedding party

 How about the engagement? Tell us your story. If not engaged, what's your dream proposal?

I was living in North Carolina when Mike and I got engaged. Mike and my best friend Andrea were going to drive down and surprise me for a week, but little did he know I was planning to drive up and surprise him at the same time. I drove up the day before he and Andrea were supposed to leave and surprised him at his dads house. He had no idea, it was priceless!! I kind of knew that the proposal was coming and I remember waking up the morning of that day and thinking to myself "Am I ready for this? Is this what I want? Is this the day my life changes forever? Is this what I want to be wearing the day I get engaged?" It felt like time was moving in slow motion when I was getting ready to leave to go over to his house. When I got there I went up to his room and he said he had something to show me. He had made a scrapbook of all the years that we had been dating. Which at that time had been over 5 years. I took my sweet time as I flipped the pages knowing what was coming. On the last page of the scrapbook was a picture of Mike down one one knee holding the ring wearing the exact same thing he was wearing that day and the words "Will you marry me. Check yes or no." I obviously said yes and we went out that night with Andrea to celebrate. Mike had actually bought a different ring 6 months earlier and then exchanged it for the one I have now. We had looked at rings and I found one that I loved, but then not knowing he had already bought one, I decided I wanted something a little more timeless.

The Scrapbook

Celebrating with lunch at Buffalo WIld Wings

Oh to be so skinny...

Show us your wedding rings or an engagement photo! If not engaged/married ... show us your "dream" ring.

Tell us why you think marriage doesn't work out for so many? What can we do to make things last?

I think one of the reasons that marriage doesn't last is because no one thinks of it as a forever commitment anymore. If it doesn't work out you can just try again with your next husband. We are all so selfish in nature and have to learn to put our spouses needs and wants before our own. Along with marriage comes A LOT of compromise. I personally had to learn to pick my battles-instead of picking every.single.one. And we have to remember the vows that we made. For better and for worse. Not "only when I'm happy and things are good". A good marriage takes work, it doesn't just happen overnight. 

Friday's Letters

Dear Ellie: Could you please go back to sleeping through the night. Please? I know you have a stuffy nose, but we are going on a week of you being up from 3-4 hours every night, typically from 12-4. I am about to lose my mind. Mommy is cran-kay when she is tired. Just ask daddy. Tonight we will be giving you a little dose of Benadryl to dry up your nose-ok and maybe in hopes it will make you very sleeeeepy. (Benadryl is per the Dr's orders, we're not trying to drug up kid into sleeping)

Dear Mike: Thank you for putting so much work into painting our house. We are no where close to being finished, but I am so glad that you aren't whining the entire time we are painting. If you were I might just have to smother you in your sleep err I mean uhhh... moving on. 

Dear Awkward: You are everything I look forward to on a Thursday night. (Until the fall line-up of course) I love your one-liners, and the way you never fail to make me laugh. 

Dear Brain: Would you just shut off already. When my head hits the pillow I am ready to be ahhh-sleep. Not lie there for hours making lists and having you run wild. I need you to shut it down when the lights turn off, especially due to the aforementioned lack of sleep we're getting because of little miss screamy pants. 

Dear Liberals: It took everything in me not to jump out of my car and shake some sense into you during your little protest today. If I hear "we are the 99%" one more time I'm going to shove pencils in my ears. 

We get it, you don't like Romney, but do you even know WHY you like Obama? Hope and change, Yes we can, I want free money and food- I think this little video about sums it up. 

You're Welcome

I Should Be...

A lot of other bloggers have been posting about how everyone seems to be in a blogging "funk". I definitely feel like I am in a funk. Not only have we been super busy this summer, but it's been really hard to log into my account and see posts from 5 of the blogs I follow about their growing bellies and their excitement for their pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited for all these ladies; but my grief from our loss is still really fresh and knowing that I should celebrating right along with these ladies is really hard for me. 

I can't bring myself to delete this app off my phone. It is really hard to see and know how far along I am supposed to be, but on the other hand it helps me to remember the sweet life that we lost. I was right around 16 weeks when I first felt the little "flutters" when I was carrying Ellie and my heart aches with the fact that I should be feeling our little nugget move soon.

 I have been doing a lot better, but just last night I was lying in bed and that all too familiar knot snuck up in my throat. No matter how hard I tried to swallow it back down I couldn't. Before I knew it I was choking back the tears. Mike grabbed my hand and asked me if I was ok. I couldn't say anything. He asked me what was wrong and between my sobs all I could say was "I...just...miss...our...baby...I...am...so...sad...we...lost...the...baby..." 

It's been really hard now that I am nearing the time that I would have had the anatomy scan and we could have found out if we were having a little boy or another little girl. 

It's hard knowing that at my best friend's bachelorette party next month I should be 20 weeks. I shouldn't be able to have a cocktail, instead I should be cherishing every little kick, punch, and roll. And at her wedding I should be 25 weeks. I should have a little soccer ball sized belly and be glowing in pregnant bliss. It's hard to think about all the milestones that we should be experiencing and preparing for, but I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget how far along I should be. I don't want to pretend that I never lost the baby or forget about the life that God gave us for just a short time. I can only hope that He will one day bless us again with a healthy sweet little baby. I know that resting in the arms of Jesus is much better than any life our baby could have experienced here. I can't wait to get to Heaven and look into our child's eyes and say "Mommy loves you so much."

The Cord

Author Unknown

We are connected,
My child and I,
By an invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.

This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…. I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away!

20 Months

I am honestly shocked that in 4 short months Ellie is going to be 2.

2

I can't understand how this happened? How did she go from a 6lb 12oz teeny tiny squishy newborn to a 25lb 20 month old? Where has the time gone? I am blown away by how fast the time has gone. I was just planning her first birthday party and now I already have to think about her second birthday? It breaks my mommy heart how fast time goes. I love the stage that she is in, but I still can't help but grieve the fact that she will never be this little again. This could be the last summer that it is just her and I at home. Watching her grow has taught me to really cherish these moments, she won't be my little girl forever. 

Hard to believe this was last year.

Sniff sniff 

Let me wipe these tears and get on with it.

Happy girl with her Oreo

You are currently wearing 12month - 18month clothing

You are in a size 3 diaper

You weigh about 25lbs and 33in tall

You wear a size 4/5 shoe

You sleep from 8:00-8:30ish every day (Praise God!)

You are down to one nap a day (since about 13 months) and usually only sleep for an hour or so. But I can deal with that because you sleep amazingly at night.

You still have your paci; only for nap time and night time. I have every intention of phasing it out before you're 2, but honestly; right now I'm just not that worried about it. I think it's funny that just now you are finally asking for it. "Pati, pati." But you know that when you get up in the morning and at nap time you have to put them back in your bed and that's where they stay. Sometimes I will go in your room and see you sprawled out on the floor looking under your crib for any spare paci's that you have thrown out of your crib. Sneaky Sneaky!

You are so funny. SO funny. I just love you so much. You talk so much; all the time actually. We try to encourage you to say what you want instead of just pointing/whining/or saying "me me me me" which is usually your go-to phrase. You can string 2 words along and sometimes more. You can of course say Mommy and Daddy. You can say all of your cousins names, and Auntie, and you call Aunt Raychal Pickle (?) 

Some of your favorite words and phrases are:

cup

(s)nack

nigh-night

shoes on

lights on

go to seep (sleep)

pease (please)

hank you (mommy, daddy, etc)

You're wecome (welcome)

All done, down

Up, peas

Ok, Mommy 

(You say this when you are being naughty and I tell you to obey, be nice, or stop what you are doing etc)

and the newest phrase

Have patient 

(We are in the process of learning the "Have Patience" song. And when I sing this to you you sing back to me. 

You have started saying "I luv lew" and it is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. It stops my heart and warms my soul. I waited 19 months to hear those sweet words. And the wait was totally worth it. 

You are constantly asking for a snack. I will get you down from your highchair after breakfast and the second your feet hit the floor you are saying "nack. nack pease." If anyone happens to use snack in a sentence you are instantly asking for one. We have had to start spelling it out instead of saying it. And you always want whatever we're eating. I've started eating lunch when you go down for a nap so you don't eat all my food!

We have entered into the land of temper tantrums and I hate it. Nothing we do really seems to snap you out of it. One day I did put you in your crib for a minute to let you calm down and when I went back in to get you and when I picked you up I told you that if you were going to keep fussing then you were going to go to bed and you said "Ok, mama." and were fine after that. So maybe that is the key.As frustrating as it is when you are freaking out, sometimes I just want to laugh. Sometimes. Mostly it's not funny at all. 

On this particular day you were rolling around saying "Nuu, Nuu, Nuu, Nuu" (no, no, no, no) while I was taking your picture. You can say "No" perfectly well but that day you were exaggerating it as much as you could. 

Sometimes you can be a bit of a bully to Lucy. You take her toys, push her, head butt her, etc. And when we say "Ellie, that wasn't nice. Be nice to Lucy." You say "Ok," and cock your head to the side and whisper "Hi, Lucy. Hi, Hi." Or if you do something naughty to Lucy you will do this before we even say anything because you know you weren't being nice.

You are always on the go. Always. So the times where you actually sit with me and lay your head on my shoulder are so precious to me. You freely give hugs and kisses now and it makes me so happy. There's nothing better than the feeling of your little arms wrapped around my neck and hearing a sweet "I luv lew". Today you were giving me kisses and after every single one you would say "Hank you mommy!" I die. 

You love your dad so much. When he comes home from work and you hear him on the stairs your face lights up and you run to the gate to meet him. It is so sweet. 

Even with all the temper tantrums and the continuous testing of the boundaries I love this stage. You are just so fun. I love watching you learn, explore, change and grow and I am beyond grateful to be your mom. I love you so much Ellie-belle and can't wait to see what a beautiful little girl you grow into, and see what amazing things God has in store for your life. 

Friday's Letters

Dear Mike: Thank you for being so amazing. You have been so supportive lately and it means so much to me. I am so glad that you are trying to speak my love language(s) but please stop loving me with food! After today-today you can buy me Panera and Ben and Jerrys. Don't forget the Ben and Jerrys. 

Dear Elle my belle my darling daughter: Why are you just so stinkin' cute. When you say "I luv lew" I die. My heart literally bursts.I think soon you will realize those three little words will stop my world just long enough for you to get whatever you want. But the whining/temper tantrum throwing- not so much. That doesn't go over so well. 

Dear House: It is time. After 3 years of living here we are finally going to paint every square inch of you-except the upstairs, we are going to pretend that doesn't exist. I know it took me almost $30 in paint samples, 3 different shades of brown, and 4 shades of blue/slate/grey but I think I made up my mind. Yes, I have. Wait, or should I do a lighter shade of red? Crap.

Dear Gnome that lives in our house and steals our stuff: Please feel free to paint the house while we are sleeping. I think it is only fair after all the things that have gone missing from our house. 

Dear Mike: About those love languages, sure I love snuggling at night, but if you can't stop being twitchy Magoo stay on your own side of the bed. Contrary to what you may think, there are sides of the bed. 

Replace the her with him and this is my life. 

Dear Michigan: I am loving this 60* weather. I am even ok with the rain. Autumn, please come quickly! I will cherish you this year, I promise. I will even go to a cider mill. 

Dear Facebook: I have made it this long with out Timeline only to log in this morning to get that dreaded message.  I do not understand the new layout. I am still trying to figure out the "new" blogger. Too many changes, too many changes...

What have you done to me?

Happy Friday!!

Gotta Love A Vacation Post

Every year, since before I was born, my entire family spends a week at Gull Lake Ministries. 

It was my favorite place to be growing up. I still love going, but vacation is a little different when you are chasing around a toddler. 

Less tanning by the lake and more running around the playground.

 But I still love it. 

It's such a great week to spend time with family, eat amazing food, and grow closer to the Lord. 

The week was a little rough for me because we were planning on telling my family about our pregnancy while we were there, but instead I spent the week still grieving with the miscarriage. 

While we were there I found myself getting all sentimental about when we were there last year and just how much Ellie has grown and how things have changed. 

What a difference a year makes!

We stayed in the same condo this year, but we had the upstairs. The kitchen was a "kitchenette" so we didn't have a stove. So we had a lot of delicious sandwiches for lunch! But Lord knows we weren't hurting on the snack front. I brought 2 coffee cakes and some chocolate peanut-butter bars, we had 6 bags of assorted chex-mix, about 2 batches of cookies, puppy chow, 3 bags of chips, and some blueberry muffins. I'm pretty sure nobody lost weight that week. 

I swear the house isn't shifting, evidently I have some shaky hands.

This year the week went by so fast. Normally Saturday, Sunday, and Monday go by pretty slow and then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday fly by. But this year the whole wee was a blur. 

Enter photo dump

The girls were obsessed with standing over the vents and playing in the curtains. 

Ellie had so much fun at the splash pad. She has the best daddy ever!

One of the theme dinner nights was "Take me out to the ball game" We of course had to support out Detroit Tigers and Ellie and Jackson had the same t-shirt on. I told them to stand next to each other and this is what they did. I die. I kept saying "Leah, no Lucy, No Leah, GAH-ELLIE stand next to Jackson!!!"  With 4 little girls in one house we could never get their names right!

The little girls. Obviously they were super cooperative for their group photo.


The last night was the "Stars and Stripes Carnival" We made tutu's for all the girls to wear.

Cousins in the bounce house

Our last day Ellie woke up from her nap with a fever. We brought her out to the living room and she just laid down on the ground. Mike and I just looked at each other in shock. She never lays down anywhere. She is always so busy. So we knew that she really wasn't feeling well. We gave her some motrin, before we took 100 pictures to document her actually sitting still, and she perked back up in no time. (We took her to the Dr's last Friday and she ended up having an ear infection and a respiratory infection. Poor sweet girl.)

We brought out all her animals for her to snuggle with. 

I swear we haven't converted, that is not a bindi on Ellie's head.

Before we left for vacation Ellie had a spot on her head that she would.not.stop.picking at. It was driving me crazy. She would leave it alone during the day but the when we put her down to sleep she would just lay there and pick, pick, pick. It was driving me crazy. And I didn't want her to end up with a scar. I didn't want to put a band-aid on it because I was afraid that she would pick it off and eat it. We tried a band-aid during one nap and when she woke up it was gone. I thought Oh boy, we're going to find that in her diaper later. Luckily we found it on her blanket, which happened every.single.time we put her down. But it did end up helping her head heal. But it didn't look very cute in pictures. 

All in all we had an amazing week. We made memories that we will cherish forever.