Fridays Letters

Dear Weight Watchers: I am expecting amazing results from you! So far I am down 3lbs since Monday, don't let me down. And thank you for those delicious spinach and mushroom Lean Cuisine pizzas!! I'm in Heaven.
Dear Ellie: I love you, I really do. But I don't want to hear you before 8 a.m. You were doing so good; sleeping until 8:00-8:30 for months. What the crap is up with these 6:45 wake up calls. And less than 1 hour naps during the day? I am going to die. Momma needs her sleep. I know you have been much crankier lately because of your sleep and there lack there is..explaining the meltdown of 2012 this week. Momma is cranky too, and nobody wins when momma is cranky. So thank you for sleeping in until 10:00 today. I feel less likely to lose my mind. Keep it up!

That line is a shadow, not a bruise-I swear!!

Dear Husband: I am once again amazed at how...well...amazing you are. Letting me sleep in every Monday and Wednesday morning. You are a life saver. I'm pretty sure it's because you know how cranky I can get. Exhibit A: Last Saturday morning. (Sorry about that). And thank you for being there for me whenever I need you. I am so grateful for you and your loving arms.
Dear vacation: I am so excited for you! You are getting so close, but yet not close enough to start packing. So I will have to satisfy myself with making lists. Lots of lists. Written lists, mental lists, lists on the big whiteboard, post-it notes on everything..etc.

Dear Ellie: (again) even though this has been a week full of crankiness-on both sides-I do have to tell you how much you've been cracking me up lately. I could just sit and watch you play for hours. You mimic everything. Dinner is filled with a chorus of "Ellie-can you do this." "Ellie can you do this." "Ellie can you say ___." And you never fail to entertain. I love you sweet girl-crankiness and all!

Dear God: I am still struggling with our loss. I know that all things work together for good, but I'm having a hard time seeing the good right now. But I will continue to trust you and thank you for your unfailing love. 

Happy Friday!

six.twenty-two.twenty-twelve.

A day I will never forget
(I have to warn you, this is really long. But this is written for me.)

Let's start back in April. 

We decided that it was time. 

We were ready to add to our family. 

Ellie was almost 16 months and I was finally getting over the PTSD I had from when she was a newborn. Mike told me he wanted a baby for his birthday (Feb. 26) which mean we had to get down to business. So I tossed out those little colored pills and we threw caution to the wind. I spent the whole month wondering if this was the month. One day I was sure I was pregnant, the next day I was convinced this wasn't our month. 

I took my first test on Tuesday, May 22. 

Negative

I thought maybe it was too early to tell so I put the rest of the tests in a drawer and promised myself I wouldn't test again until Thursday morning. 

I took my second test on May 24. Mike asked me what it said and I told him negative.

 Not a second after he closed the door to leave for work did that faint second line appear.

Positive?!

I took another test that afternoon and sure enough-positive.

This was it. I!was!pregnant!

I went back and forth in my mind on how I was going to tell Mike and when he called to tell me he was on his way home I knew how I was going to do it. 

When he came upstairs I told him I had a surprise for him...it was in the oven. 

He took out a package of hamburger buns and said "You made me hamburgers!!" I smirked and said "Nooo..." He said "Oh I know,  you found the manwich BBQ sauce!!" I laughed and said "Nope..." He looked at me confused and I said "Well you'll just have to figure it out cause I'm not going to tell you!" and that's when I knew he got it. His face lit up and he said "No, are you serious!!" I told him yes and he hugged me and we both laughed. That night we laid in bed talking about all our hopes and dreams for the new baby. Which room would be the baby's, how we wanted to paint, names we liked, what we were going to need etc. I could tell he was so excited. And so was I.

Ellie was a surprise. We weren't planning on trying for another few months when I found out I was pregnant.  Now don't get me wrong. We wanted her. We were so excited and happy to have her. But this was totally new to us. It was a completely different feeling. Knowing you were trying and hoping to see that second line. According to my handy dandy What to expect App I was due February 2, 2013. Our fifth wedding anniversary! What an amazing anniversary present!!

I went to the Dr's to confirm through a blood test and got the "Yep, you're pregnant." phone call. He told me he wanted me to have an ultrasound in 2 weeks. I would be 6 weeks 4 days, which was almost exactly how far along I was when we heard Ellie's heartbeat. We told immediate family so that we would have constant prayers over the next 9 months. I told one of my brothers the same way I told Mike and my SIL got it on camera. My sister told my brother that I made dessert for him, so I'm sure he was confused when he opened the oven door. 

 Tuesday
6.12.12

The weeks passed and Mike and I went in for the ultrasound. I was a little nervous, but trusted that every thing was in God's hands. The tech called  me back and when I was ready she turned on the screen. I couldn't see anything so I just went back and forth watching the tech and Mike's face. Then I saw his frown. My heartbeat quickened and I knew something wasn't right. She told me that there was a gestational and yolk sac but no baby. We went into a room to wait for the Dr. As soon as the nurse walked out I burst into tears. Mike sat next to me and just held me as I cried. 

The Dr. came in after what seemed like an eternity and told me the worst news I have ever heard in.my.life. 

"I just don't think this pregnancy is viable."

We were devastated. He told me that the sacs were irregular in shape and that every time he has seen this it has ended in miscarriage. They took my blood again to check my levels and he said he expected them to be low and not rising. He told me he would call me tonight with the results and set up a follow-up ultrasound for the next week. I asked him if we could expect to see anything different on the next ultrasound and he said No. Mike and I were devastated to say the least. 

My brother and SIL were at home watching Ellie and when we opened the door he looked at us and asked us how it went. I just looked at him and shook my head. He immediately got up and hugged me. Mike and I both cried and went to our room to have some time to talk and process things. That night my Dr called and said my levels have went from the original 227 to over 6,000. He told me not to get my hopes up and to still come in for my ultrasound the next week. After searching Dr. Goggle for hours on end I read story after story of women who have had the same diagnosis. Some who went on to have healthy pregnancies, and some that didn't. I tried to slap a smile on my face for the next week. I put on a brave face and stood up in my friends wedding trying to hold myself together. Even though I couldn't grasp the reality of it, I had come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to lose this baby. I prayed that if we were going to lose this pregnancy that it would happen before a baby ever developed because I thought it would be easier if we never actually saw a baby. I begged God for a miracle. He is the healer. He is almighty.

Monday

6.18.22

Mike and I tentatively drove to my Dr's office for our second ultrasound. My heart raced as I waited for them to call us back. When the tech came into the waiting room and called us back I thought I was going to puke. After I was all set she came in and turned on the machine. I lay there praying praying praying with my arm over my eyes. And then I heard it. The whoosh whoosh whoosh...there was a baby and a heartbeat of 126bpm. Our little baby was alive.

PRAISE GOD. PRAISE GOD. PRAISE GOD!!!

She tore off a picture for us to take home with us and we waited to talk to the Dr. 

He told me once again not to get my hopes up and that he wanted me to keep coming in for ultrasounds and he expected in the next few weeks we would come back and there wouldn't be a heartbeat. The whole time the Dr was giving me sad eyes and telling me things still didn't look good I just sat there smiling staring at the picture of my little baby. The little life that had formed inside of me. Ellie's little brother or sister. Our second child. Our baby.

I called and shared the amazing news with my family and asked them to continue flooding Heaven's gates with their prayers. I continued to have hope. I continued to pray for a miracle. Because my Dr was not God. He did not have the final authority. The Dr told me that my levels wouldn't rise. They did. 

He said that a baby wouldn't develop and we wouldn't see anything on our next ultrasound. We did. 

That week I decided that I wanted a second opinion. I wanted to use the midwives at my hospital for this birth so I made an appointment for that Friday. 

Friday
6.22.12

We drove the 25 minutes to the hospital anxious to meet the midwife and see what she had to say. We made small talk while we sat in the exam room waiting for her to come in. Once she came in I was instantly at ease. We had a conversation about what my Dr said, what my last birth was like, and why I wanted to use a midwife. She set my mind at ease and asked me when my due date was. I told her that they never gave me one. My Dr was so pessimistic for a good outcome he never told me. She said that I was due February 1, 2012. (Ellie was born 3 weeks early so I figured I would have a January baby.) She asked us if it was ok if she fit us in for an ultrasound this afternoon and of course we agreed. As I laid there on the table waiting for the tech I didn't know what to expect. But I was prepared either way. She turned on the machine and took picture after picture. I just laid there praying as I listened to the sound of her nails hitting the keys. And then it was time. I already knew. She turned on the audio and there it was...

nothing

A flat line across the screen. 

Sometime between Monday afternoon and Friday afternoon we had lost our baby.
I felt like I was instantly another statistic. I had joined a group, those of whom I felt such grief for, but never wanted to join.

She told us that the midwife would be in to go over everything with us. She came in and asked us if we were sure we heard the heartbeat on Monday. She suggested that maybe we just heard my heartbeat at the appointment. As much as we wished that were true we told her we definitely sure. Not only did we hear it, we saw it flickering on the screen. She said that I could go ahead and have a D&C or we could retest my hcg and make sure my levels were decreasing first. I told her I wanted to be 100% sure beyond a shadow of a doubt before we made any decisions.

They re-drew my blood after my appointment and we went home. Later that afternoon she told me my levels  were above 8,000. I had an appointment for the following Monday to re-draw my blood and talk about my options.

I was taking the news better than I ever expected I would. I had always wondered what I would do if I ever had a miscarriage. Would I cry? Would I be ok? How would I react? It wasn't until later that afternoon that it hit me. I went into our room and just laid on our bed sobbing. 

Hysterical. 

My baby was gone. Why is this happening? Why me? All the hopes and dreams that we had just talked about 4 weeks ago for this little one were just gone. I lost the baby. There is no more heartbeat. Mike lost his son or daughter. Ellie just lost her little brother or sister. There will be no baby come February. 

Our anniversary. How will I ever get through our anniversary knowing that I am supposed to be giving birth to a healthy little baby that weekend?

Monday

6.25.12

I drove myself to the hospital to have my final ultrasound that afternoon. We already knew what was going to happen so there was no need for Mike to take more time off work to come with me. They drew blood again. And then I met with the midwife who sent me over for one last ultrasound. There was a door in the room that connected to the bathroom. A girl in a purple shirt walked into the restroom and I saw her as she closed the door. When the tech came back in I stared at the ceiling while she took 100 more pictures-click, tap, tap, tap...and once again the thin straight line across the screen indicating there was no heartbeat. She asked me if I wanted her to explain what was going on and I said yes. She showed me the gestational sac, yolk sac, and the baby and explained that there was no heartbeat. She said that the yolk sac was larger than normal and told me she was so sorry. She asked me if I wanted a picture of the baby. She said I know it might sound weird, but it can help with closure. I told her that would actually mean a lot to me. So she printed me a picture and once again told me she was sorry.

My last picture of our baby

She sent me to the waiting room to wait to talk over my options with the midwife. It was just going to be "a few minutes". Which turned into well over an hour. There were no good magazines in the lobby, my cell phone was about to die so I just watched one pregnant girl after another happily walk in for their pre-natal appointment.
While I was sitting in the waiting room I saw the girl in the purple shirt walk out of the office. She was with her mom and holding hands with her boy friend. She couldn't have been over 17. Max. And in her other hand was a strip of ultrasound pictures. I caught a glimpse of the sonogram and saw a perfectly formed baby. She wasn't showing but I would assume she was around 12 weeks.
You've got to be shitting me.
She gets a baby? Really?
It took everything inside of me to keep myself together. Thankfully a nurse finally called me back to wait in an exam room instead. Maybe they finally realized having me sit out there was a horrible idea. While I was once again waiting a nurse called me on my cell phone to ask me if I was going to be coming in for my appointment. I thought I was going to jump through my phone and strangle her. I said I am at my appointment. I am waiting in a room to see the midwife. I have been waiting to see her. "Oh," she said "I guess I'll come down there then."
She walks in and tells me I am scheduled for 10:00 a.m. the next morning and grabs the door handle to leave the room. "For what??" I ask her. She tells me for my D&C. I almost yell "I don't even know if I'm doing that yet. The whole reason I'm sitting here waiting is to have someone explain everything to me and answer my questions." "Oh," she says once again. "I guess I'll send someone in." You guess. YOU GUESS? A few minutes later another nurse comes in and asks what type of questions I have and if someone can answer then over the phone. I told her I guess so and leave my cell number and head home.
I was so mad. So annoyed. So frustrated. So PISSED. No one, except the ultrasound tech, showed me any sympathy. I ended up scheduling an appointment with a different Dr the next day to talk over my concerns.

I know that miscarriages are common. I know what the statistics are. I know that I am lucky to have Ellie. I know that we will probably be able to go on and have another healthy child. I know we can try again. I know we can have another baby. But that doesn't mean that this hurts any less. I wanted this baby. And I know when people say these things they are just trying to help, or make me feel better. But it doesn't make me want to punch them any less.

Some days I'm ok. Some days I'm not. 

The first week I couldn't sleep. I would stay awake pouring over the miscarriage, stillborn, and infant loss board on baby center, getting comfort and words of encouragement from strangers. I would cry at night when I went to bed. Mike would lie next to me and hold me while I sobbed.
Now it comes in waves. All of the sudden out of the blue it will hit me and I'm crying. Seeing another pregnant woman, seeing yet another pregnancy announcement from someone who is due in January or February, the baby section at Meijer when I'm grocery shopping, little newborn clothes, the mention of our anniversary...etc. And don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone who is due around then, but it's still a painful reminder of what I'm supposed to be preparing for. Instead I'm sitting here grieving everything that was to come. The sleepless nights, the joys and pains of nursing, giving birth, having a snuggly newborn, the teeny tiny onesies...

I'm supposed to be 12 weeks today. We were going to announce the pregnancy to the rest of our family next week. We had it all planned out. We took these pictures before we ever knew anything was wrong. I was going to give this to our Fathers on Father's Day. I ordered Mike a Fathers Day card that I made online and signed it from myself, Ellie, and the new baby.
We had already had bad news by the time it arrived.
It's amazing how things can change in just a month.

I'm supposed to be "in the clear" and instead I'm here recovering from the loss of our baby. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel like I'm not sad enough I feel like I'm too sad. Should I still be a sobbing mess? Shouldn't I be over it by now?I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I don't know how I would have ever gotten through this without my amazing friends and family. One of my friends lives in Nevada and less than 2 hours after I told her we lost the baby there was a knock at my door with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a sweet note. I was blown away. 

I am reminded of  how blessed I am to have Ellie. We aren't promised anything in this life and God gave us her. I think all of this would be 1000 times harder if this was our first baby. Or if I was farther along. It helps that Ellie keeps me busy and has been a little more snuggly the past month. I know one day I will be able to talk about everything without crying, but that doesn't mean I will ever forget our sweet baby who blessed us with their presence for 8 weeks. 
God is good, all the time. 
All the time, God is good. 

Just a little 411

How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?
I started blogging a year ago in April when my daughter was 4 months old. It's funny to look back to my first post and see how much things have changed.

Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study?
I went to Bryan College for my first semester for college. It is a small private Christian college in Dayton, TN. I played soccer for the school and was going for a degree in Psychology. The last night of Christmas break I decided that I wasn't going to go back to school for the next semester. There were a lot of reasons that I made up in my head, but mostly it boiled down to fear. So the next morning Mike and I drove down and packed up all my stuff and moved me home. And I ended up getting my associates in Liberal Arts at the local Community College/


Where have you traveled?
I have been to Canada, Cozumel, Can Cun, and went on a Caribbean cruise.  


If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?
I would buy us a new house with a ton of land. And then a few four wheelers, dune buggies, etc for the sand dunes. And take a tropical vacation.  


What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?
1. Putting dishes in the the sink instead of the dishwasher when it is practically empty.
2. Having the toilet paper face the wrong way on the roll. 
3. When people are constantly late. always. For e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g!  


What is your favorite movie?
I love the movie Country Strong. Tim McGraw and Garrett Hedlund. YUM! 


What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea?
I am a whiskey girl. Give me some crown and coke and I'm all set. I used to like beer because it was cheap, but I wasn't a fan of the bloat. 


What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time?
Honestly-sit in my room by.my.self. And read a book or take a nap. Me time is so rare that when I have it I just want to be a.l.o.n.e.


If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?
Hmm..that's a hard one. My first instinct is to say Babies R Us, but I guess I would have to say Target. I could buy almost anything there. I would love to decorate our house and get a new wardrobe. 


What day would you love to relive again?
I would love to re-live the birth of my daughter. Even thought it hurt like hell I would do it again in a heartbeat. It would be so amazing to be able to go back and re-live the moment when I first saw her, first nursed her, our first moments as a family. It was such a precious time to me. 



What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?
I feel like I have worked everywhere. I've worked at 2 pizza places, Franks Nursery, Wendys, I did maintenance for our township Parks and Rec department, waitress at Logan's, waitress and bartender at Stir Crazy, and a teller at a credit union. 


Show us a picture from high school or college.

If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

I would love to take a Medeterranian Cruise. 

Show us the most current picture of you or you, or your family, or anything of meaning to you. 

Where do you see your life 5 years from now?
I hope we will be living in our dream home with plenty of acreage and that we have added another child to our family. 

Wordless Wednesdays

Courtesy of Pinterest

(I am not linking each individual picture because half of them don't have an original link)

It's funny because it's true. 

It got me. 

Unfortunately true. One of the perks of taking after my dad and not my mom. 

I can still remember the sting

I will ALWAYS have leftovers. Those suckers multiply lie rabbits in my pot

BEST.EPISODE.EVER.

Happy Hump Day!

Sometimes and Always

Linking up for a little

Sometimes: I complain about how hot it is in the summer

Always: I hate winter

Sometimes: My husband surprises with just how kind and caring he can be when I need him the most

Always: He is such and amazing husband and father and I am SO blessed to have him

Sometimes: I just have to go shopping. HAVE TO. 

Always: I remember my husband reminds me we need to live like we're poor so we can pay stuff off and save money for a new house. 

Sometimes: I just want to win the lottery and never have to worry about money again.

Always: I just want to win the lottery and never have to worry about money again.

Sometimes: I go to bed early so that I can actually get a full nights rest

Always: I end up staying awake late anyway playing Free Cell on my DS (I'm not a teenager I swear!)

Sometimes: I have a panic attack thinking about turning 25 in 3 months

Always: I have a panic attack thinking about turning 25 in 3 months. It doesn't seem like it has been 10 years since I was 15...

Sometimes: Ellie can really try my patience when she has a day full of temper tantrums

Always: I love her so much and cracks me up and makes me forget about the frustration of toddler hood.

Happy Tuesday!

Let's Talk About...

...why my daughter doesn't wear a bikini...

When I was younger I wasn't allowed to wear a two piece-at my moms. 

{Dads house was another story.}

All my mom ever bought were one-pieces and it was always so annoying. (insert bratty teenage whine) I never understood why I couldn't just wear what so-and-so was wearing. Everyone else's mom let them wear a bikini. 

I remember going over to my friends house and borrowing her bathing suit when we would go swimming. 

Or having her bring me a suit when we went to a pool party.

Naughty-Naughty.

I never really understood the reasoning behind being modest and respecting my body. 

I just knew that my friends who wore the short skirts and low tops were getting all the attention. 

I honestly remember changing my outfit at the bus stop once my mom left for work into a friends skirt, knee high boots, and tank top. And I felt so "sexy". (mind you I was in 8th grade and it was completely inapprop)

The pressures that I faced regarding modesty are still so fresh in my mind. 

Sometimes I still feel them. 

I think my attitude on modesty really changed when I got married.

 Before that I wanted to attract attention, even if it didn't mean the right kind of attention. It's natural to want to feel attractive and draw attention to yourself. 

One night Mike and I went out to to dinner and I was wearing a dress that I thought I felt comfortable in, but the second we got on the highway I realized how low cut it really was. I was pulling at the neckline the entire night. After we got married I became oh-so sensitive to what other women were wearing. Even what some of my friends would wear (or talk about) I found completely inappropriate. 

I think a lot  of girls don't realize that men are wired completely different than we are. They are very visual.
You might just want to get all dressed up and "show a little skin" but you could inadvertently be sending someone elses husband down a slippery slope.
And it really ticks me off when another woman is dress scandalously and could potentially be causing my husband to sin. We should be keeping our bodies for our spouses and not displaying all our goods for everyone to see.

I'm not saying that women should have to only wear long sleeves and floor length skirts. 
You can be stylish and modest.


Ultimately men are responsible for their thoughts and actions, but why try to tempt them? Why try to get another woman's husband to give you a second look?
1 Corinthians 8:13 "So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live--for I don't want to cause another believer to stumble."
I think this is an amazing verse because "eating meat" can be substituted with anything. 
If what I wear causes another believer to sin, I will never dress like that again as long as I live--for I don't want to cause another believer to stumble.
We shouldn't want to potentially or deliberately cause someone else to sin. 
In my opinion, being called beautiful is a much better compliment than being called "hot". 

via

This morning at church I was amazed at the way the teenagers were dressing, My husband even commented on how ridiculous it was. I would never let my child out of the house looking like that. If I can see your butt cheeks-your shorts are too short. Our pastor once gave a sermon on modesty because he said it was very hard to be standing up at the pulpit preaching while there were girls in the pews with super short skirts and low cut shirts. You don't realize what everyone can see when they are standing above you looking into the crowd.

I don't know if these girls realize what kind of attention they are attracting when they choose to dress like that.You want a man who is going to respect you and cherish you. Not just lust after your body.

via

This is the reason that I will not  be buying my daughter a bikini. She either has a one-piece on or a tankini. (which I do have to say are much easier for diaper changes and trying to get a slippery, wet, thrashing toddler out of.) And I think these are just as cute as any bikini!

I'm not saying that it's not cute to see chubby little legs and cute little bellies in these adorable bathing suits. But if I let her think that it's cute now, what will she say when she started developing and I tell her she can't wear that anymore? If it was ok when she was little why is it not ok now?

I do not wear a bikini (not just because I have some extra lbs to lose) but because I can't say one thing and do another. There are way too many perverts in the world who would like to see little girls in their underwear. And there are some super cute and stylish one-pieces out there. 

Not all of them are grandma-esque.

via

Or head-to-toe

via

I wouldn't walk around in front of another man in my underwear, so why should it be ok to wear the exact same thing when I am going swimming??

{I understand that everyone has different views and convictions about things. This is one of my convictions. I am not saying that everyone must feel the same way that I do. Just something to think about}

Happy Monday!

Friday's Letters

Dear Husband: Thank you for being so amazing. Especially in the past few weeks. I can't thank you enough for all the things you have done for me, and for taking care of Ellie and letting me sleep in almost every day. You are the best. 

Dear Michigan: We get it, it's summer. You can lighten up with the 100* days. It's almost too hot to go outside. It's really putting a hamper on my summer plans. And enough with the storms. The power outage at the splash pad Thursday really ruined our plans. I didn't appreciate the 45 min drive and the waste of gas. 

Dear Adam: I don't know what you did, but I'm pretty sure if I were Brittney this would have pissed me off even more. 

Dear Ellie: Watching you run around so excited to see all the animals at the petting zoo was so fun! I love seeing your little face light up. But remember, it is a DONkey not a MONkey, I think you were confusing the other children. 

Dear Pop-Ice: You light up my life. Your simple deliciousness never ceases to make me happy. And thank you for being able to keep Ellie distracted enough to stay in the pool and stop screeching. 

Dear God: I am having a really hard time understanding your plan. I don't know why things happened the way they did, but I am trusting that You have something amazing in store for us. Feel free to let me know what that is. 

Happy Friday!

Fourth of July Freak-Out

If I'm being honest here...

My Fourth of July SUCKED. 

We had plans to meet up with the rest of my family at a friends house and have a cook-out and spend the day swimming. 

While we were getting ready Ellie was in the hallway and tripped and smashed her face into the floor. 

I was in her room getting things ready when I heard her scream.

Not  a pretty sight. I honestly thought that we were going to have to get her stitches because it was bleeding so much. At least in my mommy mind. 

But it was really just a little spot where she bit her lip. She had a nice fat lip the rest of the day and apparently her fall put her in quite the crank ass mood. 

We got to our friends house and she just screamed. 

Screamed because she couldn't play with the screen door.

Screamed because she couldn't climb up and down the 200 steps from the deck to the ground.

Screamed because I wanted to change her diaper

...put sunblock on her

...feed her grapes

...change her diaper

...give her milk

...

Get the picture?

She was a real gem. 

Mike took her outside for a little bit before lunch to give my ears a break and have a moment to catch my sanity. 

(Praise God for husbands)

We had an amazing lunch of BBQ ribs and chicken, potato salad, corn cake, watermelon, and I'm sure more deliciousness but I can't remember over the sound of the screeching. 

I brought dessert and I must say it was ah-mazing. I'm never asked to bring a side dish to a potluck-only dessert. Don't let me fool you, I'm not that great in the kitchen, I'm just great with a mouse. 

Thank you Pinterest

via

The best part of the day was when Ellie was down for her nap and Mike and I were able to lounge in the pool for an hour or so. However payback will come for dunking me mid-sentence and making me swallow half the pool water. 

It may be tomorrow, it may be next week, it may be next month, you'll never know but beware Mr.

When Ellie woke up I tried to bring her out into the pool and she was immediately back into Raptor mode with the screeching. Evidently our little water baby from last summer is not so keen on floating around in the pool this year. 

So I told Mike eff this, let's go home. We got home, had dinner, let Ellie throw some poppers on the ground, gave her a bath, and put the crank to bed! 

It's like she knows when I'm looking forward to doing something or when I'm thinking we'll have an easy day and she's all "Nope!"

Maybe next year will be more fun..right?!?

However, I do have to say if I fell and smacked my face on the hardwood I would probably be in a pretty foul mood the rest of the day.

And by probably I mean definitely. 

Every one would feel my wrath. 

(I wonder where she gets her personality from...)

Just Some Fluff

I just haven't been able to blog lately.

I am sure my absence has been felt by all my fans.

(insert sarcasm)

It just feels like everything I could possibly say is so 

insignificant

I have posts written in my head that I just can't seem to type out. 

It's been a really rough few weeks. 

With events that just rock you to the core.

So instead of trying to put my thoughts in order here is some fluff.

I was making a .F.R.E.E. photobook on shutterflylast week 

(which was really annoying trying to use a keyboard where half the keys are super hard to press due to a Dr. Pepper landslide...thanks Dear) 

and I went through all the old pictures of Ellie. 

I can't believe how much she has grown.

And changed. 

Holy Moses my baby is so big,

This girl has a strong will

...I just can't figure out where she gets it from...

Surely not her mother. 

We went swimming in our friends pool last week and she lost her mind.

She didn't want to be held in the water. 

She didn't want to float in her floatie.

She wanted O!U!T!

The only way to keep her still was to feed her pop-ice. 

She likes to do everything herself. So that pretty much nixes any future trips to the pool.

She seems to like the splash park though. I'm sure it's because she can "do it herself."

We're heading off on vacation in a few weeks and it will be fun to see what it's like now that she is a year older. 

At the splash pad last year. 

Oh and...

We have our Independence Day tutu sets for sale over at our Etsy shop  

Who doesn't love a little red, white, and blue??