Friday, April 29, 2011

East to West

Last night I finished a Bible study by Beth Moore with some amazing ladies from my church. It was such a great study...Psalms of Ascent. It was so nice to get to know women that I've gone to church with for years, but have never taken the time to get to know. And Beth Moore is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I HIGHLY recommend doing one ALL of her studies if you get the chance. She is such a talented, honest, Godly woman and I have learned so much through this study. I'm actually going to go back and re-read the study book and finish some of the homework that I didn't make time for :(

I've really been feeling God speak to me on some things and I think that I have been ignoring some most of it. I think that I am so stingy with "my" spare time because I have so little of it and I really haven't been spending enough time with my Creator. Well that needs to change. I always have so much that I say I'm going to start doing and DARN.IT-it's about time I get it together. I'm so sick and tired of wanting things to change and doing nothing about it...because really...I can't complain about anything if I'm not going to put in the effort or take the time to change it. I have really been digging on Casting Crowns lately and whenever I'm in my car I find myself replaying and belting out "East to West". It is so hard to grasp God's forgiveness. I hope that it's something that I can soon understand. He is so gracious and I am so unworthy.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm inToday I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
**I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals**I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to meJesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

P.S. Can't forget my Ellie update...still going pretty well with sleep, had to be swaddled to sleep for her first nap, but went down FULLY awake at bedtime and haven't heard a peep yet. CHHHYEAH-BUDDY!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thankful Thursdays

Since Mike isn't sitting next to me on the couch telling me why I am thankful for him I guess He will be me person of the week :)

My Husband Mike:
-He gave me our beautiful daughter :)
-He is an amazing Dad
-He STILL, after 4 1/2 months, gets up at night with Ellie. WOW. That in-and-of-itself is AH-MAY-ZING! I don't know what I would do without him because...well...this mama needs her sleep!
-He is always so willing to help with E and is such a hands on father, I am so thankful for that. E is one lucky little lady!
-He is always the first to help anyone out anytime they need anything
-He puts in long hours to provide for our family
-He works hard so that I can stay home with Ellie
-He is extremely loyal; friends and family can always count on him
-He is honest and trustworthy
-He is a great handyman and can fix anything with our cars
-He is always there as a listening ear and like a man always wants to fix my problems :)
After 3 years of marriage and almost 10 (EEEEK!!!!) years of being together I love you more and more every day. We have had our UPS.and.DOWNS but I am so thankful to have you in my life. I know that we can make it through anything. Thank you for always sticking by my side and being an amazing man. You are such a great dad, seeing you with Ellie warms my soul. Thank you for being such an amazing man and I can't wait to see what God has in store for our future!

p.s. For my records an Ellie sleep update...still going strong. Went down for bed easy last night and only was up around 2:30 and 6:30 to eat. Still doing really well with we just have to show her it is A-OK to fall asleep and get back to sleep without her paci! Lets hope she goes down well for Grandma tonight!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Oh Wednesday

Sleep Progress Day 3:
Nap times went really well again today. Ellie was playing under her activity center and rolled over onto her belly and next thing I know those eyes are closed and she was out like a light! No fussing and no encouragement from me needed. ahhhh-mazing :) Nighttime went pretty well too, I put her down semi-awake and haven't heard a peep. I'm sure now that I said that she'll start wailing...

Ellie did really well at church tonight. She still ended up crying towards the end because she was hungry, but hey can you blame her? I feel like my little girl is changing so much! Tomorrow she'll be spending some time with her Auntie in the morning while I go to and appointment and then Grandma will be coming over to watch her while I go to my Bible study. It's going to be a big day for the little miss! Today I decided to join up with Weight Watchers online. Doing it on my own wasn't cutting it and I'm really ready to drop some major lbs. I like to see results fast and I think I'm going to need a little patience when it comes to this. UGH. This weekend Mike is going to a motorcycle class to get his I'm going to be alone all weekend :( At least next week is break between the semesters to he'll be home in the afternoon every day. Gotta love 8 hour work days! Annnnnnnnd my girlfriend Amanda that lives up north is coming home and I'm going to get to spend some time hanging out with her. I am SOOOOOO stinkin excited, I miss this girl like CRAZY! I have a feeling that next week is going to be a good one!

*So I end with this...a Weight Watchers tip...and this one is from my very own brain!
When I eat any sweets, like ice cream for example I use a small...I mean tiny...bowl and a baby spoon. It makes it look like I have a giant helping and the small bites make my brain realize that I am satisfied when I am finished. After all your brain really only registers pleasure for first two bites of something.*

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I'm going to try and keep track of my progress the next few days/weeks with getting Ellie to sleep onher own/eventually through the night so the first part of my post will always be about that.
Well today's nap times went really well. She put herself to sleep on her tummy on a blanket on the floor; which is HUGE progress! She even took a mini-nap in her swing which hasn't happened in ages! I decided to use a teddy blanket instead of a burp rag, I'm just hoping that doesn't bite me in the butt!

Bedtime however was another story. Everything was going well until I tried to feed her and then it went into meltdown mode. She had been eating ever 1.5-2 hours all day (growth spurt?) so it was about time but she wasn't having it. So I put her in her crib and it was all over from there. So I picked her up and swaddled and rocked her until she drifted off. On a good note; it didn't take her long to fall asleep. That's the thing though, I know that we will have good days and bad days and I just have to roll with the punches. Sleep training takes time. There will be nights where she will need a few extra cuddles and that's OK with me because I know that all too soon she'll be miss independent.

I struggle with exactly how honest and open I should be with what I post. I mean I know that it's not like that many people read this blog, but you never know. It is as much about me as it is about Ellie and I guess it just makes me nervous really opening up because Lord knows everyone has their own opinion and plenty of people like to make theirs known. We'll see how things go as time goes on I guess...But I'll end with this picture because it melts my heart and makes me fall even more in love with this man:

Monday, April 25, 2011

A Year Ago

Oh yeah....I can't believe that a year ago yesterday I found out I was pregnant. And now I have a 4 month old beautiful baby girl. God is so good.
Wow time flies.

Easter Weekend

First of all Hallelujah! I am so grateful that Christ died on the cross for my sins and then rose again. I can't wait for the joyous day that I can see my Savior in Heaven. I am not deserving but His grace is sufficient.

So I pretty much slacked off last week on posting anything. Mike took the week off work to recover from his knee surgery and every daily routine went out the window. Ellie and I aren't used to having Daddy home during the week, but we sure loved it! This past weekend for Easter we went up to my Aunt Joys house like I used to do when I was little. Almost all of us "kids" were there, we were just missing my cousin Nicole and her husband. Even my favorite cousin Rachel was there, her and her husband drove up from NC for the weekend. We were best friends growing up and I was so happy to see her! I can't remember the last time we were all together on Easter like that. Saturday we my niece Leah colored eggs and mom and Aunt Joy hid bags of candy outside for us to find, and as usual I was the last to find mine :( Since I can't eat dairy my bag was full of sweedish fish and jelly beans, neither of which I like very much. But it was still nice to be outside like old times. I carried around Ellie in her sling and she loved it, she actually ended up taking a cat nap in it which was a miracle!I was a little extremely nervous taking Ellie away for a weekend but it went pretty well. The 3 hour ride up wasn't to bad she took a few catnaps and she did really well all weekend. She let other people hold and play with her. My mom went to the early service and so she watched Ellie her so Mike and I could go to church. That was a blessing because I haven't heard a sermon in oh I don't know.....3 months! The ride home was a little rough, E was SO tired and therefore quite cranky so it was off to bed for her when we got home. But all in all it was a great weekend!

After being bullied convinced by the pediatrician and my family about letting E cry it out I decided that maybe it was time to do a little sleep training. I haven't come close to sleeping through the night since before I got pregnant. So it is time. I was going to do the no-cry-sleep-solution but quickly realized that is NOT going to work. Phase one is to get her to go to sleep without her paci. YEAH.RIGHT. so instead we are going to go with as-little-tears-as-possible-sleep-solution. She has been rolling over at night and waking herself up so today at nap time I let her roll over on her belly and then I rubbed her back and held her hand and sang to her until she calmed down and put herself off to never-never-land. I am trying to introduce a "lovey" that she will become attached in hopes it will comfort her at bedtime when I am not there. I decided to try to cloth diaper/burp cloth since if one gets ruined/lost/left at home it is easily replaceable since we have about one thousand! That is a huge improvement from She is currently on her second nap sleeping peacefully. Lets hope this works. I'll be keeping a log to see how things progress. Wish me luck!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Month by Month

4 Months Old

Ellie I can't believe you are 4 months old already, time is flying by! Here are your stats:
*You are in the 25%
*You weigh 12lbs .5oz
*You are 24in long
*You are in size 0-3 and 3 month clothes
*You are in size 1 diapers, but we recently went to exclusively cloth diapers (yay)
*You eat about every 3-4 hours
You were almost sleeping through the night, for a week or so, then totally did a 180 and are waking up lots so mommy just bought "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" book and we are going to give that a whirl. You like to go to bed around 6 or 7 every night and definitely let us know when it is bedtime. You *love* bath time and really like it when we take a bath in the big tub and you can splash around. You are starting to interact with your toys more and can grasp items that we put near your hands; which then go right into your mouth! You love to chew on your hands and anything that comes near your mouth which leads us to believe that you're teething, I guess time will tell! You are pretty particular about who holds you and prefer to be in mommy or daddy's arms. You are a smiley baby and love to talk to us. You are still learning to giggle, so hopefully you master that this month! Now that you've mastered rolling over any time we put you down on the floor you flip right over! You are still a dainty little girl but you sure are growing and changing every day. We love you so much and can't wait to see what the future holds for our family!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Thankful Thursdays

So for Thursdays I decided that I want to write about people in my life that I am thankful for. This week I was going to start of with my wonderful husband but he is laid up on the couch next to me from his knee surgery so that would just be awkward having him watch and tell me what I should write about him. haha! (See this is him telling me what to write) So he will just have to wait.
SOOOOOOO instead I will start off this week with none other is me making Mike wait to see who it is)......MOTHER.
My Mom Ruth Ann
I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to have her in my life. She is such an amazing woman. I am so grateful that our relationship has developed into what it is today. So here are the reasons that I am SO glad that she is MY mom:
*She loves me and has stuck by me through thick and thin. I wasn't always the best daughter and had some rough years and she never gave up on me. That alone attests to how great of a person she is; because lemme tell you I was NOT an easy person to live with ;)
*She is always there for me. Anytime day or night. Literally. She has had to endure many middle of the night phone calls listening to me blubbering about who knows what
*She has this amazing ability to snap me out of a pity party, she tells me what I NEED to hear, not necessarily what I WANT to hear and I am so thankful that she will tell me the hard truth because not many people care enough about you to tell you what you NEED to hear.
*She always encourages me to keep moving forward and do what is right.
*She is so thoughtful. She is always willing to do anything for anyone, and her house is almost always full of people and she is the BEST hostess.
*She is so funny, we have the best time talking and hanging out together. I can honestly say that above everyone else my mom is truly my best friend.
*I know that when she says that she is praying for me, she really is.
*I can depend on her to say what she means, and mean what she says.
*She is such a good testimony to trusting God to do what His word says He will do. She always encourages me to trust my Father and rely on Him.
*She is an honest, trustworthy, caring, kind, funny, loyal, dependable, sincere, encouraging, Godly, hardworking, considerate, GORGEOUS, amazing woman who I love so much and am so thankful to have her in my life. 
 Mom, you are the best and I love you so much!

***Who are you thankful for??

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Spilled Milk And A Crying Baby

When your mom said that you shouldn't cry over spilled (or dumped out) milk she lied. Last night I poured 9oz of milk down the drain. 9 OUNCES!!! That is 2 bottles and to me that was sure worth crying about.  Now I'm not talking about the 1/2 gallon of skim milk going sour in the back of my fridge here people, I'm talking about liquid gold. Even though I know I'm not going to use them I wanted to keep the bottles in the fridge just because it was such a waste. I had to close my eyes while I dumped them out. I guess I learned my lesson; I'm not eating dairy until we are done nursing; or maybe ever again.
Now that I got that off my chest (ha ha) I can move on to other things. On Wednesday nights I work with the youth group at our church from 6:30-8:00. I am really enjoying it and it is something that I have wanted to do for years, but I feel like it is too stressful for Ellie. She goes to the nursery where the sweetest couple watch her and my friend Melissa's baby Isabelle and she screams about the whole time she is in there. Church starts literally right at bed time and it is so hard for her to go to sleep outside of her normal routine and even that is a stretch! Last Wednesday she was still doing that little sigh/fast breathing babies do well after we got home around 8:45 and it broke my heart. I don't know if maybe I should wait until she is a little bigger and a better sleeper to work with the youth or if I should just push through and continue on. Wednesday nights and Thursday night Bible study are about the only time I get out of the house during the week and let me tell you...I really need to get out of the house...but I don't know if it is worth the tears; and sometimes Ellie isn't the only one crying ha ha! I also really enjoy Thursday night Bible study, we're doing a Beth Moore series but I have only been able to watch 1 video so far...out of 3. I spend the rest of the time trying to get a crying baby to fall asleep and it just doesn't seem worth it to me when I'm not even able to engage in the video or discussion. I guess I will just finish out the commitments I have made so far and reevaluate when a new "semester" and study starts. Oh and also pray for my husband, he is having knee surgery in the morning. So wish me luck tonight and pray Ellie can fall asleep peacefully in the nursery! 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My April Resolution

Thankfully these past 2 days have been SO much better with Ellie. Like a dummy I thought that maybe I could sneak dairy back into my diet since she was doing so well on the probiotic and that didn't go over so well. I thought for a few days maybe we were in the clear but by Friday morning I learned I made a HUGE mistake. I did eat the pizza and ice cream I was missing terribly but it was not worth the price we had to pay. So thankfully by Monday it seemed to be out of my system and we're back on track. Now we just have to conquer the nighttime routine. She is currently napping in the swing (hallelujah) which is apparently the only place other than my arms that she will nap, sometimes. She is just so stinkin' adorable!! 
On another note, I decided that I am going to officially start doing weight watchers again this week. By officially I mean actually write down what I eat and the point values, not guestimate and hope for the best like I was doing. I am dying to lose this baby weight...and then some...I hate how weight always has to be an issue. I mean I know it is with most women, except for the annoying lucky few, but I feel like it's more of an issue with me. I lost a lot of weight when I went away for my first semester of college and I thought for sure that none of it would ever creep back on. Wrong. I kept it off for about 3 years but then I got cocky. After 3 years I thought for sure that I could now just go about my life and not worry about or watch what I ate. Wrong again. I got married and little by little it snuck back up on me. So this time I am determined to lose it and never find it again. Now I know that I will never be one of those annoying lucky women that can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce and I will have to be careful about it for the ugh. So I guess that is my April resolution, seeing as how how I missed the mark in January, and now that I have put it on paper..errr in print...I better stick to it. Since it's getting so nice out we can finally go outside and get some exercise; and some MUCH needed vitamin D. As of this morning I was down 3.5lbs so that's some motovation for me! So here is to conquering weight...and bedtime. To be honest I'm more afraid of bedtime :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I hate bedtime

I guess I should do an introduction post...but that will be another day. I want to use this blog as a way to look back and remember everything from when Ellie was little and the rest of our life. So tonight we just spent about 3 1/2 hours of screaming crying trying to get Ellie to go to bed and it was exhausting. I really don't understand what is so hard about closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep. I would jump on that in a heartbeat. I mean really before I had her I was a professional napper! It seems like as soon as we get into a routine or I figure out something that works-BAM the next day it's all different! I am so thankful that Mike was here to help me tag-team it, it's really hard to have to do it alone every other night. He's been amazing. Having our little girl has sure turned our world upside down and it can be challenging sometimes but I love her so much. It is amazing the capacity for love that God gives our hearts for our children, even when they are screaming incessantly in your ear :) So I guess while my little muffin is finally asleep I should tidy up the house...or go to bed myself...I choose bed!
I mean really how could I not love that little girl??