The Great Weight Debate

I used to be SUPER conscious of what I ate. I mean super. I read labels and tried to stay away from the "naughty" stuff. I ate until I wasn't hungry any more, not until I felt like oh.my.gosh.I'm.so.full.I'm.going.to.die.

I worked out on a regular basis and felt great.

But somewhere over the past 3 years (Ok, the minute I married my husband) I got way far away for that way of living. It's hard when you're living on your own for the first time, and your husband gets off work at 10:00pm and says "Hey wanna order a pizza and eat ice-cream" almost every night. I am not by any means blaming him, it was me who said "Sure!". But I figured it was a phase, and that I would stop eating like crap. Even when I was ummm..."restrictive"...I would go through cycles where I would binge eat whatever I wanted and then I would restrict watch what I ate for a few weeks. But the cycle never stopped, and soon I realized that none of my clothes fit, but I still thought I would get it under control. But here I am...

 I reallyreallyREALLY wish I could get back to the mindset of being food conscious but I don't know how to jump start it. If I wasn't nursing then I would do a fast/cleanse but that is obviously out of the question. I really need to start believing that I can get to where I want to be and will get there. Easier said than done...

Here is a look at the UPS and

D

O

W

N

S

of my weight struggle (Lord help me...) WARNING: lots of pictures. This is more for me to see where I was, and where I am now. I need to see it. I need to accept it. And I need to DO something about it.

High school

After first semester of college...spent awhile struggling with some uhh...eating issues...

Before we got married: I was pretty happy with where I was and felt confident with myself. But most importantly felt healthy.

The past year: 

 

Granted I was pregnant in the first 2 pictures, but still...The weight has just piled on and I can't stand it anymore yet I can't seem to get it together to get it off. It's deeper than "just do it". I'm afraid to go back where I was, and I don't have confidence in myself that I can do it. The worst part is I can probably count on one hand the number of pictures I have with my daughter because I am embarrassed/hate the way I look. That isn't how I want it to be. I want to be upfront and center in her life. I'm tired of not really living. I don't want to go any where, I don't want to hang out with friends, I don't really want to see anyone and I'm sick of living like this. I'm not going to let food control my life anymore.

...So tomorrow...

 is a new day.

With new choices

New challenges

and new beginnings.

One day at a time baby...

This is where I want to be

Realistic, healthy, happy

I'm so excited...

And I just can't hide it...

Yesterday was quite the exciting day!

(highpitchedtalkingreallyfastvoice)

Ellie and I went to a post-partum group in the morning, I SO wish that I had gone about 3 months ago. It was so great to know that I'm not the only one who has ever felt overwhelmed or like they are losing their mind! It was nice to meet other moms too because sometimes I feel so alone. I don't really have anyone that I hang out with that has a baby so it's nice to meet people that are in the same stage of life as me. I'm really going to try to put myself out there and meet new people. eeek...

Last night I went to a couponing class that a local woman taught. She has this amazing blog for deals in our area. It is so nice to be able to go to one place and see what deals are going on. The class was great. I am seriously obsessed and want to go to the grocery store every day and get lots of stuff for free. I think I may have a little problem with spending???? Don't ask my husband! Ha!

 ...But the best news of all is...

I joined the gym! After 6 months of begging pleading crying asking Mike let me sign up to this amazing gym. I am so excited. Annnnnnnd they have daycare. Helloooooo to a free mommy minute! They have classes and a pool and a spa and personal trainers and and and and and...I am just so excited. I am going tomorrow afternoon. I really hope that this lifts my mood, confidence, energy level, and gets me back on track with eating healthy. I don't know about you, but my worst time of day is when E goes to bed. Because by then I've realized that I haven't really ate all day and am starving and end up eating the easiest fastest, normally super unhealthy, thing. So it's time to start planning ahead. I am going to write down a schedule for both E and I for the day and try to stick with it. And start making my meals for the next day the night before so I can just heat them up.

What is your advice for conquering the baby weight and getting off the crazy cycle of eating crappy unhealthy food?

90th Birthday Party

Yesterday we drove across the state to celebrate my Grandmas 90th Birthday. She is the sweetest lady you've ever met. I'm not kidding, she is the best. For most of her life she and my grandpa (He passed away around 11 years ago) made wedding cakes together, she made THE best cakes I've ever had. And I'm not just saying that, everyone asks her what her secret is and she would always say "I just follow the directions off the box." (DuncanHines of course!) But we know she's lying, I bet she sticks her finger in the batter or something! Our wedding cake was the last one she made..I can't even explain how much that meant to me. She is also teeny-tiny, it took years before she would admit that I was actually taller than her, I would say "Grandma I can see the top of your head..." and she still would deny it. All of us always tease her about her height, or lack there of!

  We got to see a lot of family I haven't seen in years, some of them it's been over 15 years...way too long if you ask me. Ellie did so well, I couldn't believe it. She napped in the car and woke up about 20minutes before we got to the restaurant. She was so content and happy the whole time we were there, she didn't really cry or fuss at all. She even let other people hold her. I was so grateful.

These are my Aunts and Uncle: Aunt Ava, Aunt Carol, my dad, and my Uncle Ron. My Aunt Beth died from MS when I was a Junior in high school. I never had the chance to get to know her, but I wish I had. I have seen pictures and she was gorgeous. My Uncle Ron plays Santa at Christmas and lemme tell you how great he is at it! Not only does he look exactly like Santa, but he has such a sweet spirit. 

 Saturday my mom and I did some work in the flower beds. We pretty much just pulled everything out and are going to start fresh. Here are the before pictures....it's bad...these pictures don't even fully capture the grossness that was our flower beds. These pictures were taken after I drenched everything in round-up so it was much MUCH worse!

 

Hopefully by the fall I will have some amazing "after" pictures. Gotta get that curb appeal!!!



Saturday Morning Scene

This morning Mike left around 7:00 to go help my brother put a new roof one his house. My brother said he was having a roofing party...but that didn't trick me, I knew there was no "party" in that! ha!

Ellie woke up around 5:30am this morning, so I fed her and usually she falls right back asleep. Well the past two mornings ummmm no. So this morning I put her back in her crib and went back to bed. She was quiet for about a half-an-hour and then started talking to herself (super cute) and then she started fussing so when Mike left he brought her into our room where we snuggled and hung out for a little while. She was eating off-and-on and lo and behold sometime around 8:00 she fell back asleep and we napped until 10:00. HALLELUJAH! This Momma neeeeeeeded some shut-eye!

After we got out of bed we came out to the living room to play. She has plenty of choices when it comes to toys

But this is what she chooses...

A tag on one of her toys. This is not an unusual choice. She has some weird obsession to tags. The bigger the better

Caught!

The rest of the day belongs to the hideous flower beds outside that are going to get weeded and gutted this afternoon. Let me try to contain my excitement.

What are your plans for this sunny Saturday morning?

Random Info

I saw this this on  Ashley's blog and thought it was a cute way to get to know someone. So here is some random info about me!

A: Age: 23

B: Bed size: Queen

C: Chore you dislike: Hmmm….Putting away folded clothes, and unloading the dishwasher, and…

D: Dogs: No, Definitely No! No.No.No.No.NO!!!

E: Essential start of my day: Putting in my contacts, I can’t stand to wear my glasses for longer than I have to.

F: Favorite color: Brown, ok so I guess that is a boring color so….Purple?

G: Gold or Silver: Silver

H: Height: 5'6"

I: Instruments that you can play: Hmmm…the recorder. I can play a mean “Hot Cross Buns!”

J: Job title: Vice President of the H household

K: Kids: For now our little girl Eleanor Ruth. Someday, hopefully 4 or more

L: Live: Michigan

M: Mom's name: Ruth Ann

N: Nicknames: Shelle, Belle

O: Overnight Hospital Stays: One from high BP while pregnant and then 2 nights for delivery. I did stay overnight on a gurney in the hallway in the ER but I was never technically admitted. One of the longest nights of my life! 

P: Pet Peeve: Let me get out my list…haha. I would have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is when my hubby shaves and doesn’t fully clean the sink.  KILLS me!

Q: Quote from a movie: Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, but its not funny. All the problems are the same, but…you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense. –Knocked up

R: Righty of Lefty: Righty, Yeah Baby!

S: Siblings: 2 older brothers (twins)
T: Time you wake up: Whenever E decides it’s time to start that day. Normally around 7:30 but sometimes 5:30-I hate those mornings and count down till nap time!

U: Underwear – Of course J…I mean typically boy shorts from VS

V: Vegetables you dislike: I love vegetables and I really don’t think there are any that I dislike.

W: What makes you run late: I used to never be late, it actually used to be one of my biggest pet peeves when people were late (ask my husband) but now I've learned that I need to cute people some slack. Because now that we have a baby I swear I am never on time for anything! We are totally on a different schedule. So I guess I would say it’s a combination of E and my poor time management skills now that I have another human to get ready.

X: X-Rays: Of gosh a ton. Feet, Hips. Hand (a few times). I guess that’s what happens when you play soccer!

Y: Yummy food you make: Well I guess desserts…specifically cake. That’s what everyone asks me to bring to get togethers.

Z: Zoo favorite animal: I love the elephants…Oh wait, our zoo got rid of those…so I guess the monkeys

Things I've learned

In my 6 months of being a mom I have obviously become an expert. <insert sarcasm here> I am still trying to figure everything out, and I'm sure by the time I get it all "figured out" I will have another baby that is completely different!

I am SO not an expert but there are some things that I have learned in the past 6 months, and I figured I should write them down because I want to make sure I don't forget them next time around. 

-Be prepared for birth; I know you can never really be totally prepared, but you should have an idea of what kind of birth you want. Be firm in your decisions and make sure that everyone who is there is aware of what you want and supportive of you. Be informed.

-If you plan on breastfeeding (kudos) have the name/number of a local LC and know who the LLL leader is for your city. You want to know who to call the minute  you run into any issues. Don't wait until bad habits are formed.

This book...

is amazing. I wish I had read it before I had E, not 6 months later. Better late than never right? Give yourself small goals, breastfeed for 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, etc. And know that every day you are going what is best for your child, and if tomorrow you stop nursing it's ok. Your baby isn't going to die or get the measles just because you stop breastfeeding. If you choose to formula feed that is ok too. Don't feel like you are a bad mom, you are doing what is best for you and your baby. Each situation is unique.

-Don't feel like you have to do it all. Give yourself room to grow, room for things to change. Accept help, if someone comes over and asks what they can do for you say "the dishes/laundry/etc, thank you". Accept when people offer to bring you food, stock your freezer.

-Take plenty of time to sit and soak in that new baby smell. Lock the doors and spend quality time just you, your spouse, and your new little miracle. Bond as a family, don't feel like you have to see everyone; everyday. Don't be afraid to say "No."

-Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong or off with your baby don't accept when the Dr or anyone else tells you "that's normal". You know your baby and you know what is normal for your baby.

-Your chiropractor will probably give you better and more holistic advice than your pediatrician. Sometimes adding a simple pro biotic to your baby's bottle will make the biggest difference.

-Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable with. Starting solids early, crying it out, leaving them with a sitter if you're not ready...etc. Trust yourself and the decisions that you make.

-Ask for help if you need it. Caring for another life is hard work, and can be really stressful at times. Get out of the house or go for a walk. Or have someone come over and watch the baby so you can take a nap, take a nap, run some errands, read a chapter in a book etc. (If you know someone that has a little one offer to come play with the baby so they can relax, sometimes even just having someone else there can lessen the stress or the feeling that you're all alone.) 

-Make friends with other moms in your area, go to LLL meetings, mom groups etc. Anything where you can talk about your new life and get ideas/advice/support/or just vent. 

-If you plan on using a sling, put them in it when they are newborn for a little bit at a time. Get them used to it, because when you try to put a 3 or 4 month old in a sling for the first time they are not amused.

-While the baby is teeny and sleeps all the time GO OUT! LEAVE THE HOUSE. WALK THE MALL. GO TO DINNER. Enjoy the time when you don't have to worry about the baby screaming or being wiggly the whole time you're at a restaurant.

-Remember this is your child. Politely tell others who think they know best that they had their chance to raise their children so you would appreciate it if they let you have yours.

These are just a few things that stick out to me over the past 6 months. I am still learning what is best for me, for my family, and for my baby. And I swear it changes every day! Some of this isn't right for you or your baby. Some of it I'm sure you will think is dumb, but this is some advice I wish someone told me before I had Ellie.

What do you wish someone would have told you? What have you learned since you've gone down the "Mommy Path"?

I hate Mondays

Today was one of those days.

I didn't want to get out of bed.

I slept like crap last night.

Ellie woke up at 6:30 instead of 7:30.

Mike annoyed me last night and of course I was still annoyed this morning.

Getting her to nurse is like fighting with...well a 6 month old who is afraid she might miss out on something if she sits still...

Getting her to sleep is even worse.

We actually had a good nap snuggled in our bed. After 30 min of trying to get her to CIO

We ran some errands and she was such a peach but she fell asleep for a little cat-nap in the car on the way home from the mall which totally screwed up her nap schedule.

We got home and from 3:30-5:30 was constant crying/fussing/screaming/ because she was tired and wouldn't take a nap.

Needless to say at 5:31 I popped in a bottle and she is <hopefully> down till morning.

Worst of all I started a low-carb diet and all I want is some *effing* chocolate.

I WILL be going to bed early tonight because I am definitely wearing my cranky pants and I have a feeling she will decide to get up at 6:30...or earlier...again tomorrow. I will die.

Saturday Morning Scene

Saturday <Afternoon> Scene

Last night we hung out with them

Listened to this

And did a little of this

So this morning we picked up little E from grandmas house and came home to spend the day snuggling and playing with her since we I missed her so much yesterday! It is so weird to not have her with me all the time! I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. I really missed her!



What are your plans for this Saturday?

Night Off

We just dropped off the Mini at Mike's moms house for the night...

This is her first overnight stay away from us...

I'm not gonna lie...I miss her.

I think it's cause I know I won't see her until tomorrow. I know that she will be fine, and my MIL will take good care of her, it's just the strangest feeling not to have her here with me.

 Is it weird that I cried after we pulled out of the driveway?

So mom and dad have the night off and we are going out for dinner and some draaanks with some good friends. I'm excited to get out of the house with Mike and spend some time together. I'm also super excited to spend some time with my best and her bf, it's been way too long...since October, pre-baby, I think. I am also really excited to wear a real bra. And I don't have to plan my outfit according to what is easiest to nurse in. I can wear a necklace and earrings without worrying they will be pulled or chewed on. I'm overwhelmed with the possibilities.

 So tonight I am going to try to not miss my mini too terribly and enjoy some free time. But I can't wait to smooch those cheeks when we pick her up tomorrow!

Thanks for watching little E for us Mom!

6 Months

6*15*11

My Ellie-belle, I can't believe you are already 6 months old! The time has flown by. The days seem long but the weeks and months are just flying by! And tomorrow, you will be closer to being a year old than you are to being that teeny-tiny newborn I brought home from the hospital <insert sniffling and alligator tears here> It really is true when everyone tells you that the time will fly by. I feel like one morning I just woke up and you were so big; so different. I love you so much. I think it is just amazing the way that God makes our hearts so that they are big enough to hold all this love.

Your stats:

*You are I'm guessing in the 14lb range, but we will find that out Friday at your 6 month check-up, along with how long you are

*You eat about every 3 hours and eat 4-5 oz when we give you a bottle
*You are still in 3 month clothes, we've tried 3-6 month but they are still just a little too big
*You are still in cloth diapers but if we use a disposable you are in size 1
*You are sleeping through the night for the most part. From about 7:30-5:30 or 6:30. This just started happening last week so we're lovin' it!

You are such a sweet little girl. We seem to have figured out your tummy issues so you have been so much happier! You started trying to crawl this month, you did a little bit of an army crawl to try and get Daddy's Quiznos. It was so adorable! I think that you will be on the move before the month is over! You roll around on the floor like crazy! You shimmy your way to get to where ever you want to go and have this obsession with tags. You will flip a toy over just so you can play with and suck on the tag. I tell Daddy that we should just cut the toys off your tags! You love your paci and are a pro at taking it out of your mouth and putting it back in. You are on a little more of a schedule these days, you still eat on demand but you take naps every day around 9:30 or 10:00am and 2:30 or 3:00pm. You sleep for about 1 hour, but sometimes go as long as 2.5. Since you have been getting more sleep during they day you are a lot less fussy! For your half birthday we tried bananas this morning. You seemed to like them, even though most of it ended up all over you instead of in your mouth. It's a learning process; and I am determined to make it a fun one! You have started really laughing out loud this past month. You would give little squeals or small giggles here and there before, but now I can really get you cracking up. It melts my heart. I am so thankful for you and am looking forward to what this month has in store for us!

Flower Beds

Yesterday my mom came over after church to help me decide what I want to do with our hideous flower beds. They are g.r.o.s.s. And there are a lot of them. I am rather clueless when it comes to flowers. sun/no sun/shade/no shade/part sun/part shade/ walking around our house and pointing out all the weeds was pretty embarrassing haha! I kept asking "Is this a weed?" and she would say "No that is a _____ (day lilly, rose bush, hosta, tulip, lilac bush etc)" And then I would say "These are pretty, what is this?" and she would say "That is a weed." Are you starting to grasp my stupidity lack of flower knowledge.
You see, I hate weeding. HATE. We had flower beds growing up that I swear my mom planted weeds in just so my brothers and I would have something to occupy our time in the summer instead of arguing. There were 3 beds and 3 kids. Convenient huh? I also spent 2 summers working maintenance for our parks and rec department after I graduated high school. And there was always 1 or 2 weeks out of the summer that were spent entirely weeding. That's right  eight wonderful hours a day, five days a week, weeding. I did a lot of super fun jobs while working maintenance. <insert sarcasm here> but I worked with one of my best friends, got off work at 3:30, and got a pretty nice farmers tan all summer. So there were some perks. But back to my out of control flower garden...
We have lived in our house for 1 year 8 months so I guess it's time I get the jungle that is my flower bed under control. I will take before and after pictures, but I might be too embarrassed to share them! The problem is the MINUTE we've been here for the mandatory 3 years I want to get the heck out of dodge and move back to the country. So I'm stuck in a catch 22. I don't want to put work/$money$ into it because I just want to move, but we need to fix some things and have curb appeal in order to sell the house. Darn economy. So, first thing on the list is to round-up the crap out of those weeds! Were starting from fresh, and I have plenty of flowers growing wild in the back yard to fill the empty beds in a few months when it's safe to plant. Needless to say, I will be having my mother over to do it for me help me distinguish what is a plant when it comes time to weed.
I guess it's time to be a grown up and take care of our yard. We wouldn't want to be those neighbors, now would we?!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is....Who wants to come over and do it all for me? I hear weeding is really theraputic. Any takers??

Embarrassing pics to come....

Saturday Morning Scene

I'm linking up with Loves of Life this morning for our Saturday Morning Scene.

I think someone woke up with their cranky cloth diaper on today! Either that or she's just ticked I won't let her chew on her tag. This girl has a pretty extreme obsession with tags. We might have to do a 12-step program sometime in the future. Mike let me sleep in until 10, love that man, then headed off to see a movie with his dad for his dad's birthday. So it's Ellie and I hanging out until they come home for a BBQ around 1:00. Which may turn into a Burgers on the George Foreman-BQ cause it's lookin like a chance of rain!

This is what I had for breakfast

Egg, turkey, and cheese omelet. Yes, I put ketchup on everything my eggs. Don't judge.

This is what I really wanted to eat for breakfast

Chocolate Reese's peanut butter chip cookies. Yes, please.

Ellie got a new jumper yesterday. So this is what her morning looked like

Check out that baby mullet!

 

This picture is from yesterday but this is the only thing that captures her current state.

She just went from 0 to 60 for no apparent reason.

So I'm going to go calm down Miss Emotional 

What are you doing on this wonderful Saturday morning?

Headbands Are Horrible!

So I can't believe I forgot to mention what happened at the "fair" yesterday. Ellie was looking super adorable in a blue and white ruffled romper and a white headband with a Gerber daisy. Like so adorable I wish I took a picture, especially after this little incident so I had proof of how "horrible" I am. While we were walking back through the hospital I had a lot of people comment on how adorable the headband was and how cute Ellie looked (not bragging it's necessary for the story....even though I do this she's the cutest thing haha!). Fast forward to a little bit after we got there.. I'm standing there talking to my sister, we are clearly in conversation: facing each other, mouths moving, words coming out, and Ellie is hanging out in her stroller looking cute. This lady waltz's over and proceeds to tell me I am doing great harm to my child by putting headbands on her. That there is an overwhelming number of studies showing how harmful it is to put adorable headbands on babies. I am going to limit her growth, ruin her brain, scar her for life, I'm a horrible mom for putting them on her blah blah blah. Ok so I'm paraphrasing here because I was so caught off guard I couldn't focus. and I might be exaggerating on the last two. So as both my sister and I stand there mouths wide staring blankly at her all I can seem to say is "well they're not tight and she doesn't wear them all the time." She said "well I just thought you should know" and turned and walked away. I was flabbergasted. Did that really just happen? My sister and I just looked at each other and said "REALLY? Wow!!" Of course when we got back to my house we had hundreds of replies of what we "should have said" because that's what always happens. You come up with witty, smartass comments after the fact! Next time I will be prepared.

So to all of you "horrible", I put super stinkin adorable headbands on my child, mommas watch out. There's a lady going around dressed in a horrible smock dress that will come find you and word vomit her unsolicited opinion all over you!

So here's to you lady!

Sure looks like I'm doing great amounts of harm to this adorable little head



All night long

For the FIRST time in 5 months 3 weeks and 1 day ELLIE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! Yet, that didn't keep me from waking up at 2:30, 4:30, and 6:00 and praying to God she was still breathing! (Tell me, when does that worrying/waking up multiple times stop? Will I ever sleep through the night again?!!?) She slept from 7:00pm until 6:30am. Now I wasn't really diggin the 6:30 wake up call but I'll take it! She has been getting so much better for naps/bed time. We put her down awake and she may fuss a little but for the most part she just goes to sleep. I love it! It has removed so much stress from my life!!! Now if we could just tackle the nursing issues!

Tonight I went to a "fair" with my sister at the hospital where she will be delivering her baby. There were all sorts of different vendors there. LC's, chiropractors, photographers, cloth diaper stores/services, Douala's etc. It was cool to see all the different types of stuff out there for moms. I was able to talk to  a LC who gave me some reassurance so I'm really glad that I went. And it was great to be able to spend some time with my sister. We went up to L&D and looked at the rooms in the birthing center, I'm jealous. I wish that I would have had Ellie in a birthing center with a mid-wife, instead of being in a hospital pushed into starting pitocin. Maybe next time!

Well I guess I better get to sleep if this little girl is going to come a-callin at 6:30!  

He Bit Me!

Today was hot. Like ohmygoshIcan'tbreathe hot. It still is hot. Our back living room isn't hooked up to our a/c and that is where we spend most of our time, so that sucks! This morning I decided that as soon as Ellie and I woke up we were going to go for a nice long walk. I figured we would beat the heat. HA! It was 80 when we left the house a little after 8:30. It still boggles my mind that I can actually function that early but I digress...The road was mostly shaded so it really wasn't too bad, and Ellie was content looking around and listening to the birds chirping. On the last little stretch before our house I saw a lady and her huge monstrous Pomeranian dog walking towards us. So I moved to the right side of the road to avoid having to talk to her, I know I know I'm bad. so her and the dog could pass. The closer I got I realized the dog wasn't on a leash. As he came running towards me she said "Oh don't worry he won't do anything." and then he bit me! Really?? So I told her he just bit me and she kept walking! She had picked him up and didn't stop. I had to turn around to shout at her that her dog needed to be on a leash and it was unacceptable for him to go around biting people. I went up their driveway and asked them if the dog was up to date on all it's shots and they said it wasn't even their dog, they were dog-sitting. It was just a little bite but it did break the skin so I called animal control to go down and make sure that the dog was up to date on all its shots. Because I do NOT want rabies and I do NOT want to give Ellie rabies. I had an appointment this morning at 11:00 that I had to reschedule for 2:30 while I was waiting for animal control. So at 2:00 while I was heading to my appointment I get on the highway, which normally has no traffic that early in the day, and come to a dead stop. We creep along and I'm thinking there's got to be a horrible accident up here. Around the bend I see no cops, no accidents, just an abandoned car that had been pulled over on the side of the road. Come on people! So I was late for my appointment. Awesome.

Moral of the story: Next time, I'm drop kicking any dogs that come running up to me off their leash trying to bite me.

On a happier note we ended the day grilling hamburgers on the back deck and I gave Ellie a bath in the new little pool her gramma got her. It was a great way to end an annoying day.

I may be biased, but I think she's so cute :)

Busy Busy

I started this off weekend feeling like I was getting strep-throat. Really? REALLY?!?! This was not the time for me to get sick. I had way too much to do this weekend! Luckily after popping some dayquil and drinking a couple glasses of OJ I started to feel much better.

Saturday we went to the wedding of a friend from high school. I graduated with the bride and Mike graduated with the groom. Needless to say it was like a high school reunion...for both of us! The ceremony was outside at their parents house and was H-O-T. HOT. But it was so cute. Pretty flowers, pretty green bridesmaid dresses, and of course the beautiful bride! My whole family was invited and since my mom doesn't live far from them we went back to her house to sit on the a/c vents cool off until the reception. After feeling adequately refreshed we headed out to the reception. It was a beautiful banquet room and my brother, his wife, Mike, and I ended sitting up at a table with a girl I was pretty good friends with for almost my entire life. We grew up together and played soccer together forrrrreverrrr, but like most people lost touch after we graduated. It was so good to catch up with her and she lives close by so hopefully we keep in contact! We didn't stay too late, because after all, we do have a mini back at home that still wakes us up at night!

Both Friday and Saturday were late nights because I was trying to finish decorations and food for a surprise sprinkle that I was throwing at my house for my sister(-in-law) who is due August 2nd. (My other sister(-in-law) is due October 1st, how awesome is that?!?!) It is my fault that I am a huge procrastinator couldn't get things done earlier in the week, but thankfully Mike was a huge help. I skipped church this morning and started baking cupcakes at 8:00 but still was running around getting things together when people started showing up at 12:15 (30 min earlier than the invitation said I might add!!!). But everything came together and Raychal was surprised! We had a great lunch and had a good time celebrating this new life that will soon be joining our family!

 We're getting used to rice cereal around here, so this is what most of my nights look like :)

Tired

I don't remember where I read this but it really struck a cord with me.

 "Christians don't pray because they are afraid there isn't a God, Non-Christians don't pray because they are afraid there is."

Ain't that the truth?

Lately I've really been thinking about my walk and if I am more of a help or a hindrance.To be honest, I think I have spent more of my life as a hindrance. And that breaks my heart. I think about all the people that I could have reached for Him and and I am so saddened by my selfishness and my desire to "fit in".

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

Sometimes I feel like God doesn't hear me. Sometimes I feel like my little cries for help requests get lost somewhere in between. I guess if I am going to be honest with myself I have to admit that I really only go to Him when I am asking Him to do something for me. Wow I am selfish. Prayer has always been my struggle. Remember that song from Sunday School when you were little: "Read your Bible pray every day pray every pray every day. Read your Bible pray every day and you'll Grow Grow Grow..." Reading my Bible while I do not do it often enough has never really been hard for me; now pray every day....that's the hard part. I would rather just pick up my direct line to God and shout ask for His help when I'm struggling.I can only imagine how that makes God feel. It would be really hurtful if when Ellie is bigger she only called on me when she needed help or when I could do something for her. I make God sad, ouch. It is really hard to think of God as my "Father" and to think that he actually loves me and wants a relationship with me. People always say that "If you were the only person on the Earth, God still would have died on the cross for you." For me. Really. He really cares about little old me when there are 6 billion other people on this planet? 

I just don't know how to really, truly, honestly rely on Him. I asked Him to be my Savior a long time ago so it's not that I'm not saved or haven't asked Him to forgive me, I guess I am just really lacking in the "put my trust in Him part". It is so hard. I have had A LOT of people let me down in my life, and I guess I am just afraid that what if I do put all my trust in Him and He doesn't take care of me. My head knows that He will, I can read those words and quote verses to you but I still can't help but wonder what if He doesn't? In all reality I guess I can really say that I'm frustrated with myself. I make messes then ask Him to come along and sweep things up and that's just not how He works. But still, sometimes I can't help but wonder "Can you just throw me a bone here?????" It is truly the desire of my heart to be close to God and have an amazing relationship with Him, and bring others to Him, I just don't know how to believe that He is going to do what He says He will do. It is really hard not to put earthly traits on God.

I am called to "train {Ellie} in the way {s}he should go, and when {s}he is old {s}he will not turn from it." How can I do that when I am struggling myself? It's time to get it together, I am so tired of struggling. 

*****************************************************
Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

Sick Baby

I can't believe it's been a week since I've written anything! Ok maybe I can because I kind of lost my mind had a rough week.

This past weekend was pretty busy. We went away to my brother house for Friday/Saturday and then spent Sunday with Mike's family (where we ended up under Tornado warnings eeek!!!!) We spent Memorial Day at my other brothers house grilling and just hanging out. I am so thankful for both my brothers who served 4 years in the Marine Corps and did a tour in Iraq. We are so blessed to have the freedoms that we often take for granted and really need to remember all the sacrifices that are made for our country.

Tuesday we noticed that Ellie was feeling a little warm so we took her temp and it was 101.4. I about had a heart attack. I know that a fever under 103 isn't really anything to be concerned about (especially without other symptoms) and her only symptoms were taking better naps and being cuddly; not something I am going to complain about!But that didn't stop me from calling the on-call Dr. Who is a big doucher by the way  So we checked her temp again around 2:00 a.m. and it was 101.7 so I took her into the pediatricians office this morning. After poking around looking in her ears and listening to her heart the Doc looked in her mouth and saw a sore and declared that it was hand-foot-mouth disease. Sounds way scarier than it is. She said that the fever would last 3 days to a T and that she might develop a rash/blisters on her hands and feet. So off we went with our Motrin to wait it out. That was around 11:00 this morning and with only one does of Motrin the fever seems to be gone. So is it really H-F-M or is this another hasty diagnosis? I guess we will wait and see, but I'm just glad I have a happy girl rolling around on the floor!

Last night night while we were waiting for the Doc who was taking his sweet time to call us back we tried to keep her awake because we didn't know if we were going to have to jet off to the ER, take her temp again, do a fever dance, or what. Well around 9:30/9:45ish I said forget it, she's going to bed. (Mind you her bedtime is usually 7:00-7:30) Yeah, well, keeping her up: BIG MISTAKE. I tried doing our usual bedtime routine tonight and putting her down about 7:30 and she apparently thinks that now she can stay up like a big kid. she's rolling around and jibber-jabbering like a crazy baby! But the first sign of sleepiness I am scooping her up and whisking her off to bed. Wish me luck!

Does this look like a sick baby to you?!?!