Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Great Weight Debate

I used to be SUPER conscious of what I ate. I mean super. I read labels and tried to stay away from the "naughty" stuff. I ate until I wasn't hungry any more, not until I felt like''
I worked out on a regular basis and felt great.
But somewhere over the past 3 years (Ok, the minute I married my husband) I got way far away for that way of living. It's hard when you're living on your own for the first time, and your husband gets off work at 10:00pm and says "Hey wanna order a pizza and eat ice-cream" almost every night. I am not by any means blaming him, it was me who said "Sure!". But I figured it was a phase, and that I would stop eating like crap. Even when I was ummm..."restrictive"...I would go through cycles where I would binge eat whatever I wanted and then I would restrict watch what I ate for a few weeks. But the cycle never stopped, and soon I realized that none of my clothes fit, but I still thought I would get it under control. But here I am...

 I reallyreallyREALLY wish I could get back to the mindset of being food conscious but I don't know how to jump start it. If I wasn't nursing then I would do a fast/cleanse but that is obviously out of the question. I really need to start believing that I can get to where I want to be and will get there. Easier said than done...

Here is a look at the UPS and
of my weight struggle (Lord help me...) WARNING: lots of pictures. This is more for me to see where I was, and where I am now. I need to see it. I need to accept it. And I need to DO something about it.

High school
After first semester of college...spent awhile struggling with some uhh...eating issues...

Before we got married: I was pretty happy with where I was and felt confident with myself. But most importantly felt healthy.

The past year: 


Granted I was pregnant in the first 2 pictures, but still...The weight has just piled on and I can't stand it anymore yet I can't seem to get it together to get it off. It's deeper than "just do it". I'm afraid to go back where I was, and I don't have confidence in myself that I can do it. The worst part is I can probably count on one hand the number of pictures I have with my daughter because I am embarrassed/hate the way I look. That isn't how I want it to be. I want to be upfront and center in her life. I'm tired of not really living. I don't want to go any where, I don't want to hang out with friends, I don't really want to see anyone and I'm sick of living like this. I'm not going to let food control my life anymore.

...So tomorrow...
 is a new day.
With new choices
New challenges
and new beginnings.

One day at a time baby...
This is where I want to be

Realistic, healthy, happy


Renae said...

Ugh the baby weight is the worst! I'm going through the same thing right now! I've been through a similar battle with up and down eating too.
Maybe we can be accountability partners or something to motivate each other to workout and start eating 'healthy' calories, not junk. :-)

Bree@ 700sqftDesign said...

Came over from SMS. A lot of the stuff you write about is my life as friends that have babies, feeling alone, struggles with weight. Looking forward to reading more of your blog this week.