Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Great Weight Debate

I used to be SUPER conscious of what I ate. I mean super. I read labels and tried to stay away from the "naughty" stuff. I ate until I wasn't hungry any more, not until I felt like oh.my.gosh.I'm.so.full.I'm.going.to.die.
I worked out on a regular basis and felt great.
But somewhere over the past 3 years (Ok, the minute I married my husband) I got way far away for that way of living. It's hard when you're living on your own for the first time, and your husband gets off work at 10:00pm and says "Hey wanna order a pizza and eat ice-cream" almost every night. I am not by any means blaming him, it was me who said "Sure!". But I figured it was a phase, and that I would stop eating like crap. Even when I was ummm..."restrictive"...I would go through cycles where I would binge eat whatever I wanted and then I would restrict watch what I ate for a few weeks. But the cycle never stopped, and soon I realized that none of my clothes fit, but I still thought I would get it under control. But here I am...

 I reallyreallyREALLY wish I could get back to the mindset of being food conscious but I don't know how to jump start it. If I wasn't nursing then I would do a fast/cleanse but that is obviously out of the question. I really need to start believing that I can get to where I want to be and will get there. Easier said than done...

Here is a look at the UPS and
D
O
W
N
S
of my weight struggle (Lord help me...) WARNING: lots of pictures. This is more for me to see where I was, and where I am now. I need to see it. I need to accept it. And I need to DO something about it.

High school
After first semester of college...spent awhile struggling with some uhh...eating issues...

Before we got married: I was pretty happy with where I was and felt confident with myself. But most importantly felt healthy.


The past year: 

 

Granted I was pregnant in the first 2 pictures, but still...The weight has just piled on and I can't stand it anymore yet I can't seem to get it together to get it off. It's deeper than "just do it". I'm afraid to go back where I was, and I don't have confidence in myself that I can do it. The worst part is I can probably count on one hand the number of pictures I have with my daughter because I am embarrassed/hate the way I look. That isn't how I want it to be. I want to be upfront and center in her life. I'm tired of not really living. I don't want to go any where, I don't want to hang out with friends, I don't really want to see anyone and I'm sick of living like this. I'm not going to let food control my life anymore.

...So tomorrow...
 is a new day.
With new choices
New challenges
and new beginnings.

One day at a time baby...
This is where I want to be


Realistic, healthy, happy

2 comments:

Renae said...

Ugh the baby weight is the worst! I'm going through the same thing right now! I've been through a similar battle with up and down eating too.
Maybe we can be accountability partners or something to motivate each other to workout and start eating 'healthy' calories, not junk. :-)

Bree@ 700sqftDesign said...

Came over from SMS. A lot of the stuff you write about is my life as well...no friends that have babies, feeling alone, struggles with weight. Looking forward to reading more of your blog this week.